This Might be Immortalized in a Yearbook Like Yeah

A Writeup I have prepared for my good friend Francess Anne Yangyang:

“Hello Karen!”

Out of nowhere, a random schoolmate posted a Friendster testimonial on my profile that started a wonderful friendship. I used to stalk her profile once in a while, but I never thought of approaching her—she seemed suplada based on her profile photo. However, I knew that she was a PolSci freshie from the same batch as mine. Her name was Francess Anne Yangyang.

Soon enough I realized she wasn’t suplada at all. We instantly became online buddies, and yes, we already knew about each other’s crushes even before we talk to each other in person! That’s how close we have become—and how easy it is for Francess (or Faye My Labs as I call her) to be a friend and confidante. Maybe it has something to do with our language game, our boyish sides, the fact that love gets us all weak in the knees, and the occasional not-so-green jokes. Mehehehe.

Faye is that friend that is sweet enough to accompany you to the mall even on a late notice, who would play arcade games with you, and would even adjust to your schedule just because she values time spent with someone she cares for. She remains rational when you are not, and becomes all hyped up when you also are. I am confident enough to say that she is the one I would want to be part of my wedding entourage, my daughter’s godmother, and the one I’d play poker on the porch with when I grow old. Faye is the friend you would not want to let go.

Though Friendster is long gone, it has given me something that would last forever—a friendship with one of the awesome-est people in the world. :)

Akala mo lang wala akong pakialam sa'yo, pero meron. Sobra-sobra pa nga na effort akong tiisin ka para di ako magmukhang makulit at naghahabol sayo, lalo na ngayong alam mo naman na mahal (pa rin) kita.

Pero sa totoo lang gabi-gabi hinihintay pa rin kitang mag-online kahit na alam kong di mo naman ako kakausapin, para lang malaman ko na safe kang nakauwi. Chinecheck ko kung may bago kang status update; baka sakaling mangyari sayo yung biglaang epiphany na nangyari sa aking noong nagtapat akong mahal kita at makita ko na lang na nagstat update ka na na mahal mo rin ako. Hindi mo alam to, malamang, at pati ako naccreepyhan din minsan sa sarili ko dahil chinecheck ko palagi yung relationship status mo at natatakot na bigla ko na lang makitang in a relationship ka na isang araw na hindi pangalan ko ang nakadugtong.

Pasensya na kung creepy ha. Ito lang kasi ang kaya kong gawin--sa ngayon--para makibahagi sa mundo mo.

Still Short of 100%

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west. 

--Excerpt from Haruki Murakami

On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning (1981)

***

An April morning changed my life forever as well. A sunny April morning in 2010.

I saw him and I knew that he is going to be special. And he is--a month after that fateful day, I knew he is that boy I have pictured in my dreams. My 100% perfect boy. Every time I play those memories in my head, I am amazed at how they remain crystal clear to me: that salute in lieu of a first hello, that smile and a slight raise of an eyebrow, his scent and the feel of his fingers as he playfully hold my wrist.

I couldn't have been happier. It was all so perfect and too soon. Amidst those perfect moments and every possibility of what could have been, that tiny, tiny sliver of doubt set in: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

Would it be possible to meet the 100% perfect boy in a span of five weeks?

I let that pinch of doubt take over. Maybe if he really is, he will make a way for us to be together. After all, he is the one I have pictured in my dreams. Soon before I knew it, fate took a power trip on the path that we could have--should have--been walking together. Things became complicated.

All because I--we--became unsure.

Now all I have is the memory of that kiss before we separated from each other.

I wish I could really have done that. I wish I could have told him that I love him even then, and until now. I wish I did not let anyone tear us apart, that made us end up with a random, lifeless goodbye as we pass by each other at a fire exit.

I wish I could put a happy ending to this story now. I wish I could write something more, like, we meet again after a year and are still falling madly in love with each other despite the distance. That after meeting again we never let each other go, that we have now realized that we are the 100% of each other. I wish I could tell you that he is beside me as I write this, gently whispering that he'll never let anything--or anyone--separate us again.

But I can't. Because I let go of my 100% boy just like that.

And until now I don't know if he'd still come back.

Wish upon my favorite Star

 "Then I might be something like a moon using the light of a star like you."

"But a moon is not completely useless. No matter how many other stars there are at night. the only thing I see is the moon."

"Hyung-nim, I can only see one special star right now."

"What? You said there were a lot of stars."

"There are, but only one star is twinkling so handsomely. I can only see that star."

"There is a star like that?"

"Yes, it is a star that many people love. Do you think it would be wrong for me to be one of the many people that like that star?"

"Do you really need permission to like something like that? Ask the star. I'm sure you can see it."

"Yes, I am looking at the star. Would it be okay to like it?"

--Mi Nam and Tae Kyung, He's Beautiful (2008)

Yes, I am looking at the star. Would it be okay to like it?

Earlier my officemates (Ron, Cole, and Ella) and I went to Ayala Triangle Gardens to watch the Christmas lights show. Being the starry-eyed, easily-amused-by-all-things-shiny-shimmery-splendid whatever person that I am, I was amazed with this wonderfilled show of lights. For the next 10 minutes I was either saying "aaaah..." or trying to control my jaw from completely dropping.

At times like this I remember one of my life's simple wishes that only Ninin knows (I told her one time when we were walking along the Triangle). And because you, guest, have been interested enough to read this post until this point, I will let you in a secret. This wish involves three things (at least):

1. Ayala Triangle Garden's superb lights. Or any other lights display. Or maybe fireworks. But my bucket list specifically mention the Ayala Triangle lights (We can always bend the rules)

2. Yiruma's "Moonlight", starting 2:05

and, most importantly,

3. You. ♥
My You, the one I have always been referring to.

I won't say it directly. Go figure. ;) 

That's it. I just decided to post this wish so that I'll be able to look back at it in this blog when the time comes that it had already come true. That's why I wish upon my favorite star, hoping that someday I'll be able to touch you with my own hands. ★

One down on my bucket list

A YouTube top comment on a top video.

And not just any other video, but an Oasis video. Life is good so let's Slide Away!

Boss: O bakit ang aga mo pumasok? 10 ka pa diba?
KC: Nagising kasi ako tas di na ko makatulog ulit kaya pumasok na lang ako... Ang boring pala ng buhay ko.
Boss: Yung mga boring na ganyan yumayaman at the age of 25. I used to be f*cking boring.
KC: Gusto ko lang naman ipambili ng PSP yung OT pay ko.

You Might Think I don't Look, But I do.

To tell you the truth, I listen to this song at times that I feel uncertain. About how I feel for you, whether I did the right thing of telling you (twice) that I care, and where I stand in your life.

And now I am listening to it more and more. To convince myself that you care for me too.

You used this song as your reply when I confessed how I feel for you. And until now, when I listen to this song I pay a special attention to these lines:

You might think I don't look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true

Listening to those words somehow takes all the uncertainty away. I know you meant it for me. I just know you did.

You might think that I don't know and I didn't get a clue, but I did. All those hints that you dropped through random conversations, song lyrics, and profile updates, I know you meant them all.

And I know you've been able to feel this much for me.

But there were also times that I felt uncertain--those times when you probably thought I joke around and treat you like a guy friend, telling you how you should go for her... as I secretly cry at the other end of your IM chatbox for not being that girl you tell me you are thinking of.

But I also knew that girl was a joke. It just seemed so real it hurt like heck.

You might be afraid that if you tell me that you've been fooling me around all this time, you might lose me forever. Love, I have always known. And I let it happen, because I love you so much that letting myself wrap around your finger is the closest I can get to you...

...Even when that means treating me like a yo-yo-- holding me close one moment, letting me go, and pulling me back to you again.

Forgive me, love, that I am not able to let you feel how much I still care for you. I'm just gathering my confidence that you trampled upon--twice. I still love you. I always have. I have just grown tired and afraid. Maybe I'd just want to care for you in silence until you realize that you also--still--feel the same way about me, and are afraid to let me go just as I am about you.

I miss you so much. I look at your photos everyday, wondering what will happen if I ever see you again. You should also know that one of my greatest fears is forgetting the sound of your voice, and slowly it's creeping in; your voice that you sang Bon Jovi's Always to me with, that you used in asking me those pretending-to-be-clueless questions... your voice that was once the soundtrack of my summer... now getting lost in a distant memory.

Heck, I just want to tell you again and again that I love you so much. I love you so much and I am willing to let you feel it everyday. If only you'd let me.

And until now I still hope that those words you took from this song's lyrics and made your own--stand true until today.

A Lot of Ones

Last week, Banchetto Megatent released this material on the internet to celebrate 11:11 of 11.11.11, or the "ultimate wish", as some people say. Because I was smitten by the movie Tangled, I scampered for someone to go with me. Being the best (I mean best) friend that she is, Maricar agreed to go with me, along with her boyfriend Arvin, and high school friends Paul and Sarah.

"Flower gleam and glow..."

My shift ends at 9PM, so they decided to go to Banchetto at 8 and just wait for me there. We already knew that the sky lantern event is cancelled and we would just go there to get some food and catch up on things (though it's roughly a week since we were last together). We just never thought that there would be still be a lot of people at the venue.

Now I should make an important note here: My phone's battery is empty and I forgot to tell them to wait for me at the entrance.

And so I didn't know that they left Banchetto early because they were so badtrip of all the people and the smoke coming from kebab and isaw grills. Because I didn't know, I circled the venue for 5 freakin' times to say the least, hoping to come across them. I was wearing uncomfortable shoes during the whole time.

It was so hot, and the volume of people is not making my futile search any easier. After two hours, I finally gave up. I decided to get some food, which is not exactly what I wanted.

I was sitting on the sidewalk, alone. Eating the food I didn't really want.

And I didn't realize that 11:11 of 11.11.11 is already over. It was already morning.

I walked outside and searched for a place to stay until I've decided what to do. I sat on the concrete steps outside a Mini Stop.

My energy is running out. And I don't know how to go home.

This is the worst night of my life. It's even worse than the night of December 10 last year and UST's Paskuhan combined. (Edit: Nothing can ever be worse than the night of December 10).

I can't even remember a day before this that I've felt more miserable and alone.

Then I saw something on the horizon:

Because my phone is dead and I haven't got a photo...

Apparently the sky lanterns weren't hindered by the cancellation of the event. The people went some other place and lit their lanterns together.

And I cried. I still got what I originally wanted!

And after crying, I thought that this beautiful sight would be better if I get something to drink. I was welcomed with a sign on the Mini Stop door that says that all drinks are sold out but that didn't stop me. I got a vodka mudshake (I feel so badass) and continued to marvel at the sight of the lanterns floating in the sky.

God must love me so much.

I may have considered that night to be the worst night of my life, but those things happened for me to appreciate the good things even more.

In this life, I may be going through a lot of bad things that make me lose hope that there is something good in store for me. There may be false promises and broken dreams, but in the end, the sky lanterns will rise and take all the bad experiences away.

And as a Coldplay song plays in the background, these lights will guide me home...

Remember, Remember, the fifth of November

I used to dislike my birth date. For one, the day is a single-digit number and I don't know whether to put a zero before it when I write autographs. Second, I never liked the number five because of its association with the riddle "lumipad si Superman, nalaglag si Batman, nabuntis si Darna." Heck. Nabuntis si Darna?

But then I realized I was one of the privileged few to have a nursery rhyme written about their birthday, as well as to have a movie that revolves around it. Wow, thank you Guy Fawkes.

Remember, remember, the fifth of November...

So where the heck am I going with this?

Nothing. I just want to bring up the obvious fact that I just celebrated my birthday. My 21st. And I remember that last year, I wrote this. I was emo and bored and was into my sembreak and I have nothing else to do but to wallow in despair and self-pity on my birthday. So I just delved into the fact that my wish for my 19th is still my wish for my 20th and cried at 2-effin'-AM.

Now that I just celebrated my 21st you might (or might not) ask whether my birthday wish last year came true. Well I am happy to inform you that it did. Someone waited for the clock to strike 12MN and wish me a happy birthday. And not just someone, but an entire team.

Not just someone, but an entire team of night shift people!

And with a cake, too!

Happy birthday surprise!

God, thank you for bringing me to Alexander Mann Solutions the Global RPO leader yahahaha I just have to say that :P I feel so loved. And to think that I have spent just five months in this company as I write this, they already know how to touch my heart and welcome me as part of the family.

After my happy birthday surprise from the AMS people, I went home to Bulacan, hoping to celebrate with family and get some sleep. I didn't get some sleep yet I celebrated with family--and more! My high school friends (especially my best friend Maricar and good friends Lei and Nero) helped me with an all-of-a-sudden text brigade to ALL OF MY HIGH SCHOOL BATCHMATES (only!). All-of-a-sudden was all of a sudden, but a lot of them came. Check the photos out for yourselves:

She's not my BFF. She's my F... my Forever. Aw!

"Buti pa yung biglaang pagyayaya, natutuloy!"

I love these people to bits. :)

This is definitely the best birthday I had so far! my first with a full-time job, at the new home. First time to receive a surprise as soon as the clock struck 12. And first time to have my high school barkada at a drinking session (Red Horse for them, A&W root beer for me) at my place. And I don't care if I stayed up for a straight 32 hours.

Told you I don't drink alcohol...

A lot of firsts. I may not get what I wished for last year, but heck, this is alottafan! For this year I realized that happiness should not depend on a single person--a lot of people could make you happy (even make you cry out of sheer happiness!) if only you'd be appreciative enough.

And I also got a great birthday gift from God. For everyone's knowledge, Karen Christine de la Cruz Moroño is Alexander Mann Solutions' Global Contributor/Inspirational Employee of the Quarter (Q3 2011), beating other tenured employees from all over the world (hence the word "global". Kamon!)

...That she had nothing to do but cry.

Are you guys serious?! This is my first quarter and you gave me this!

Not that I'm giving up on my wish (in its third straight year!) but I am slowly learning how to be happy and live life as I wait for him. :)

Cheers to the days to your 22nd, KC! I love you! ♥