Friday, March 28, 2008

imposible

"gusto mo, ipanalangin natin ang imposible?"

yan ang sabi sa'kin ng kaibigan ko noong isang araw. ipanalanging mangyari ang imposible. alam ko naman, nananalangin naman ako na biyayaan ako ng sapat na pananampalataya para hindi man makapag-usad ng mga bundok, e magawang posible ang imposible. pero--BAM!hindi sapat ang pananampalataya ko. wala ni katiting. walang wala sa sukat ng butil ng mustasa. wala.

ginawa ko lahat ng kaya ko. pero ang imposible ay nanatiling imposible.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Fashion Fuses with ignorance

Everyone wants to be unique. My friend once said: “a person loves it when he knows people turn their heads around when he walks by.” To stand out is the main reason why people continue innovating designs for bags and shirts, and these designs are just as countless as the people patronizing them. Wherever you look, there are people who try to be noticed through the way they dress.

To be unique is also a reason why people use religious and political symbols in their fashion statements. They want the crowd to turn their heads to notice them, and in order to do that, they try to ‘defy the norms’. They use icons other people would not dare use because of their sacred and significant meanings to religion and politics. But as time goes by, people realized that using those symbols is a sure way of getting noticed and so, political and religious icons became a part of their fashion statement.

Since then, the line between fashion, religion and politics became so tenuous. People wear shirts depicting Che Guevara’s face as if he is just a product of the designers’ imagination and not as someone who changed the world. The Nazi swastika is being printed as if the holocaust did not happen. Voodoo dolls, Buddha beads, dream catchers and even the holy rosary lost its religious significance by being mere items of accessory for some. Nero’s cross or the ‘peace’ symbol and the anarchy symbol (which means no law), has become popular designs for many apparel.

And sure they get noticed, but only at first. As shops and designers continue to produce items like these, more and more people wear them and use them, and so they become part of the trend – or should I say, bandwagon. Their uniqueness does not last for long as they sink in a group of people who wear the same design and their thirst to be unique actually led to an act of trend-setting.

Peer pressure is also one of the common reasons why people use these symbols in a fashion statement. When one member of a group flaunts a designed item, the other members will be urged to have it too, in order for them to be ‘unified’. They use political and religious icons for them to be noticed as a group. In that way, they can still be unique among the crowd. Political and Religious icons are also often associated with ‘punks’ or people influenced by punk rock who try to rebel against the society.

Truly, the symbols we once considered sacred and important are now just part of the things found in a closet. People wear them, they are noticed, and then they take it off, wash them and wear them again. The cycle goes on and on, and as the color of the apparel fade, so does the significance of the icon printed on it: an icon that lost its zeal and value as it becomes a mere product of a designer’s imagination. If there is something good about using religious and political symbols in fashion statements, it is that the symbols are not forgotten because people who wear clothing with the icons on it are always there to remind you of their significance. But some people do not know their meaning at all and assume that they are icons of no importance, and that is when ignorance in fashion enters.

We all want to be unique. But I hope our thirst for uniqueness would also be equivalent to the thirst we have for knowing what these symbols mean to religion and politics. In that way, we can preserve these symbols’ essence and not just become mere doodads on our apparel.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

dalawang taon na pala

...ang lumipas mula nang sabihin mo sa aking gusto mo akong maging kaibigan. alam kong natatawa ka dahil naaalala ko pa ang eksaktong petsa. dalawang taon na, ngunit hanggang ngayon ay natatandaan ko pa kung paano nangyari, at oo, natutuwa pa rin ako pag naaalala ko ang mga sandaling iyon.

naaalala ko pa nga kung paano mo iniharang ang backpack mo para hindi ako mainitan habang nakaupo tayo sa bleachers. alas tres na kasi noon, kasagsagan ng init at idagdag mo pa ang kaba na nararamdaman ko dahil katabi kita, kaya hindi ako makapakinig ng maayos sa campus ministry na pareho nating dinadaluhan. napansin kong naiilang ka rin habang katabi mo ako, dahil paulit-ulit mong pinipilipit ang hawak mong panyo noon.

hindi ko pa rin nalilimot kung paano mo inabot ang kamay ko noong sabay tayong bumaba ng bleachers... at aaminin kong isa yun sa mga pinakamasayang tagpo ng buhay ko. hindi ko pa rin malimot ang ngiti mo habang hinahawakan mo ang aking kamay.

ngayon, magkalayo na tayo. kapag nagkakasabay tayo sa bus kapag papasok sa eskwela, ni hindi tayo nagpapansinan. parang walang nangyari, parang wala kang sinabi dati...

halata namang hindi mo natupad yung sinabi mo dalawang taon na ang nakalilipas... na gusto mong maging magkaibigan tayo, dahil ngayon... ikaw na ang lumalayo.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

if only i could

i am nothing but a big blob of disappointments.

wala talaga akong kwenta.

i do not deserve to be in a university as prestigious as the University of the Philippines, nor do i deserve my parents' trust.

if only there is a way to hide my stupidity. if there is only a way i could end all this.

if only i am brave enough to end this life, i know i will.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

i love you, pare


this is a blog post i published on my friendster blog two years ago.

Have you ever experienced... falling for a friend so much that it hurts? i can still remember that day when we had our periodical exams and we went to the mall to have some fun. i can still remember my stupidity when we were walking side by side and i slipped on the floor, he was the one to quickly hold me by the hand for support and to save me from some major embarrassment. from that day on i realized i am falling for him, and this time i know he could not support me anymore. we were together as friends for a year and i know he would not believe me if i tell him how i feel. i don't plan to tell him anyway, because doing so might end our friendship. it means saying good-bye to our loud, high-pitched laughs that ruins every class in the building, our sound trip and the fun we always have when we are together. maybe it's reminding me: "hey, he's your best friend. try to fall for someone else... always remember that the hugs he gives you would always be bear hugs and not like the ones he offers to his girlfriend..." and that is the fact that hurts the most. he has a girlfriend and they don't see anything wrong with hugging and being themselves in front of me, because i am his best friend. but i know that it is wrong, because i love my best friend more than a friend could do. and then i thought i should avoid seeing my friend with his girl just so i could avoid hurting myself. they were together, when he left her for some time and he happened to pass by our classroom where i was in, alone. we did our handshake, which we've perfected by doing it everytime we meet. then he asked me: "OK ka lang? may problema ka? sino umaway sa'yo? sabihin mo sa'kin, papatayin natin isa-isa!" then we started laughing just the way we always do. but deep inside i want to say: "i'm falling for you, pare! yun ang problema!"

we saw each other recently, and i know i still like him. well... konti na lang. :(

not your ordinary cup of coffee

i am not really a morning person. my alarm rang at 4:00 am and i let its five-minute interval snoozes occur for five times, to say the least. what really woke me up is my mom, screaming, telling me that she doesn't want me to stain my punctuality records. OK, i went down, my thoughts still in between reality and dreams.

my parents are seated on the chairs of our dining table, and as i wash my face to jerk me totally into reality, i heard them both scold my brother for spilling his chocolate drink over his white uniform. my brother is absent-minded too, i thought. i grabbed my cup of coffee and squeezed myself at the empty seat between my mom and my brother. my dad is halfway through his anti-memory gap chocolate flavored drink, and is also busy reading today's news. my mom's just starting to sip some of her tea while my brother had finished his drink by emptying his glass onto his shirt, and is now busy cleaning the mess. this is what we call breakfast-- no one's opening up a conversation, or maybe it's just because today is going to be a hectic day (just like the other days) and there's no time to waste.

i sighed. my parents are going to work hard again, ad perhaps they are going to call overtime for some additional credits. i usually come home earlier than my brother, and when we are together, we barely talk because of the homework and projects between us. by the time our parents get home, we are both on our third state of sleep. that's how our life goes. sometimes i even forget how my parents look like due to lack of communication and meetings.

i glanced down at my coffee cup, its contents had gone cold by now. my mom screamed at me to move a little faster. i took a sip and smiled. though i am not a morning person, my coffee means a lot to me. drinking it signifies breakfast-- when i have my family close together. their faces are enough for me to have a great start for my day.*


(this story was featured in the June-October 2006 issue of the Republic. special thanks to Aziza Aguilar, the Repub's cartoonist for the illustration. hehe.)

Club dance at Real Life

sa Audition Dance Battle, may naglalaro para magyabang. may naglalaro para magpa-impress, at may naglalaro para sa lablayp.

Club Dance ang tawag sa isang uri ng laro na kung saan may tig-tatlong lalaki at babaeng player. ang goal ay magsayaw ka at umasang ang partner na sasayawan mo eh sasayawan ka rin. pag nagkataon, partners na kayo, at may pagkakataon pang magkaroon kayo ng maraming hearts pag naka-synchro perfect. sa huli, magyayakapan ang dalawang charac, pag mas maraming puso, baka mag-kiss pa.

hehe. ang cute no?

pero hindi lahat ng mga naglalaro ng club dance ay humahantong sa masayang ending. mayroon kasing players na nagpipilit makapartner yung character na pinakamataas yung level. sa huli, isa lang naman yung pipiliin ng charac na yon, malas lang nung iba dahil magsasayaw sila mag-isa, habang yung pinili nilang makapartner eh iba ang kasayaw sa saliw ng tugtuging kaindak-indak (insert song: My Boy by Nara Jang).

madalas akong mabiktima ng maling pagpili ng partner noong naglalaro pa ako ng Audition Dance Battle. madalas akong sumayaw mag-isa, habang lahat ng mga kalaban ko eh gumagawa ng mga puso kasama ng partners nila. ang masakit pa sa paglalaro ng Club Dance ay yung katotohanang kahit na magaling ka, kahit na ikaw pa yung #1 player, loser ka pa rin. bakit? dahil wala kang partner.

nakakatawa lang, yung sinasapit ng character ko sa Audition ay nagyayari rin sa'kin sa tunay na buhay.

(napagtripan naming usapan ni yayan habang naglalakad papuntang LRT.)

igalang ang survey people

...mahirap ang pinagdaraanan nila.

akala ko madali lang magsurvey. nagawa ko na yun nung third year high school ako para sa isang news article sa The Republic, at "sisiw" lang naman. fifty pa nga ang ininterview ko noon, kaya pinagsagot ko lahat ng 49 kong classmates, plus yung isa kong pinsan na taga- 'celo din.

ang resulta? isang biased, somehow fabricated na news article.

ang sa akin lang naman kasi noon, basta nagtanong ka ng opinyon ng ibang tao, OK na. masabi lang na nag-survey ka.

ngayon, first year college na ako. at kailangan ko ulit mag-survey para sa research paper ko sa Comm2. ayoko nang maulit ang survey na ginawa ko dalawang taon na ang nakalilipas (waw, ang deep!) kaya naman inayos ko na. may survey sheets na ako ngayon, hindi tulad ng dati na yellow paper lang na parang hinugot sa kung saan.

kahapon, pumasok ako ng maaga dahil natatakot akong maubusan ng sasakyan dala ng transport strike, at iniisip ko rin ang exam namin sa Psych10. pagdating ko sa GAB304, wala pang prof (kunsabagay... madalas namang ganun) at kaunti pa lang ang tao. pagkaupo ko sa silya ko ay sumulpot si manong guard sa pinto at sinabing wala nang klase. WATDAEF?!

tinamaan ng... minsan na nga lang ako makarating sa unibersidad ng maaga tas ganito pa ang mangyayari. para hindi masayang yung iniluwas ko sa Maynila, inayos ko na yung survey ko. kumain muna kami ni aira sa 7 eleven bago mag-survey. instant sotanghon ang kinain ni aira. ako? instant pancit na nalagyan ko ng sabaw. hindi kasi ako nagbabasa ng label.

gusto ko na sanang matulog, wala kasi akong tulog noong gabi dahil inasikaso ko naman yung life journal sa Psych. pero kung hindi ko gagawin ang survey ngayon, kailan pa? (amp. ang drama). kaya lumabas kami sa lansangan ng Pedro Gil, ready for action.

Hello! I'm a student from the University of the Philippines Manila, and I just want to conduct a survey regarding political symbols and occult signs printed on shirts and other items. it's for my research paper which is a requirement for passing my Comm2 class. could you please help me and answer this survey? (minsan tinatamad akong mag-english, pero si Aira, laging ginagawa ito. kailangan mo raw kasi silang inglisin para ma-intimidate)

hindi tulad ng survey na ginawa ko nung third year, gusto ko, suuuper random na ng mga utaw (tao) na magpaparticipate sa survey ko. ininterview ko si manong na nagtitinda ng DVDs sa tabi ng UPCN, si manong na idle na nakatayo sa may poste, na pagkatapos kong tanungin ay nag-interview rin sa akin kung paano makakapasok ang anak niya sa UP, at yung mga ate sa AmBlvd sa Rob Ermita. sila yung uri ng mga taong may puso, yung tipong hindi ka na gaanong pahihirapan at kukunin na lang ang survey sheet at ballpen na hawak mo.

pero syempre, hindi pa rin mawawala ang mga taong, well... medyo pa-hard to get. isang tao ang nakita kong naglalakad sa Rob at medyo mabilis ang lakad niya. napansin namin ang suot niyang damit na may nakaprint na occult signs kaya naman super perfect sya para sa survey at ayoko nang pakawalan. sinundan ko sya hanggang sa loob ng isang certain boutique, at habang nagbubukas sya ng lata ng tuna, ako na ang nagsusulat ng sagot para sa kanya.

meron pang isa, si ate Che Guevara. naglalakad rin sya sa mall at medyo mabilis rin ang lakad nya. hinabol namin sya ni Aira at sinabi ang aming makabagbag-damdaming intro. papayag na sana, kaso, nung tinanong ko yung pangalan, biglang tumanggi, at sinabing sa iba na lang ako magtanong. nagtaka kami ni Aira, at naisip naming malamang ay medyo hindi kagandahan ang kanyang pangalan...

pagkatapos namin sa Pedro Gil at sa Rob Ermita, lumipat naman kami sa Ever Gotesco sa Kalookan. hindi gaanong karamihan ang tao, pero ayos lang, dahil kung marami naman sila eh mapapraning ka naman dahil baka biglang may manghablot ng cellphone mo. naglakad kami ng konti, nangharang ng mga tao, at pumasok sa Tom's world na bwakanang-init, parang extension ng pan de Malolos. doon, mayroong mababait na mga tao, pero meron ding iba na sinisimulan ko pa lang ang intro eh matindi na ang pag-iling. dito napapagtanto ko na ang hirap ng mga taong laway ang puhunan para kumita... mahirap pala.

sa tulong ng aking mabuting kaibigang si Aira (beybeh!) natapos rin namin ang survey. yeh! nakasalamuha ko ang maraming uri ng tao: yung mga mabait (sure! akina, sagutan ko), yung mga pahirap (ah, eh, marami pa akong gagawin e. *konting pilit* sige na nga), yung mga snob (*iling* sa iba na lang), yung mga pakunwaring walang alam o malay natin wala talagang alam (wala akong alam dyan, sa iba na lang), at yung mga taong sobra naman ang bait (gusto mo sagutan na namin lahat? marami pa ba yan?). nalaman ko rin ang hirap ng mga taong laway ang puhunan para kumita ang magkaroon ng laman ang sikmura...

...ang deep.

unang blog post ko pala 'to dito sa blogspot. welcome! :D