Someone who'll laugh with me. Someone who'll pull me up when I am down. Someone who will fill in everything that I lack. Someone who will be patient, even more at times I am not. Someone who will share with me his deepest secrets and wildest dreams. Someone who will simply sit beside me as we watch the sun set. Someone who, with just one smile can turn my whole world around. Someone who would be willing to indulge in water gun fights with me. Someone who will sing the song “Longer” to me. Someone who really mean what the song is saying.
The one who will hold me close as we both rise in love. The one whose name is the music of my heart.
The one who I have been in love with even before I met him. The one who will take my hand as the song “When I Fall in Love” plays. The one who I have patiently waited and prayed for… The one who will prove to me that he is definitely worth the wait.
Yesterday I saw the guy I used to care for. He was waiting for his girl. I still felt a twinge of hurt, but not as intense as before. I saw him and the girl leave, and I saw them link their arms as they walk. I still felt a twinge of hurt, but not as intense as before.
Before I sleep I had the time to reflect on myself (This is deep, I know, but shallow people also have to do this at times), and I realized what I have been missing whenever I indulge myself in anger upon seeing that guy and his girl together. I realized that when I tell myself I care for him, I would want him to be happy. If that girl makes him happy, then let it be. I realized that I could do nothing about it, and it is clear that he is not for me, and I can’t insist for him to like me. I also thought it would be quite selfish for me now that I like someone new already, but I still don’t want that guy and his girl to be together. I realized that it would also be unfair for me because I cannot see the big picture God is painting, or the person he already painted in my life. I ended my reflection with praying that they would stay together for long.
I finally learned the hard part of caring for someone – letting go. Thank you, Lord.
It’s been a month since I had that answered prayer. And God gave me another surprise when I saw you again after a month (the last time I saw you was when I had that answered prayer). So there, I just looked at you as you play the drums. You never fail to make me fall for you.
Today I also saw you play the guitar and sing. Heck, now I wonder if there is a thing you could not do… of course there must be, but you never cease to amaze me. My smiling-to-myself hobby becomes more and more frequent, thanks to all my thoughts of you.
But there is one thing that bothers me and makes me afraid. They found out I like you. That secret I have kept for so long was discovered, and now it’s only a tongue’s slip away for you to know.
Heck, why am I afraid? Simple. I am afraid of your rejection. I am afraid of knowing you don’t feel the same, you don’t like me, and you don’t like the thought of me writing about you and doing chibi versions of you. I don’t want to sound negative, but I’ve always been used to that. And I don’t want it to happen again.
My cousin told me: “Ok lang yan ate, crush lang naman…” (It’s OK, it’s just a crush…) and thought you wouldn’t bother that much.
But I think this is NOT JUST A CRUSH. What I am feeling now is more than that. I don’t write about a crush. I don’t dedicate a whole weblog for a crush. I don’t fill my planner with hearts because of a usual event that happened with a crush. I don’t smile to myself like a freak every time with the thought of a crush. I don’t dream about a crush every night. I don’t do chibi versions of a crush. I don’t scribble a crush’s name on every paper I get a hold of. I don’t think of a crush every night before I go to sleep.
And I include you in my prayers, asking the Lord that if you really are for me, he will make a way for us. I don’t do that for someone who is only a crush.
If ever you find out, I hope you’ll be happy because you feel the same for me. I hope you’ll be flattered because of everything that I have written while having you on my mind, and my chibi versions of you. I hope you’ll smile upon discovering and reading my blog posts dedicated to you. If ever you find out, I hope you’ll tell me that I have nothing to be afraid of, because you feel the same for me.*
My Dream Guy has a quick smile and a great sense of humor; in fact he can make me laugh really, really hard. He has enough confidence to walk with his head held high, and he has enough humility to ask forgiveness when he’s wrong. He is goofy, so he is willing to sit on the floor with a three-year-old. He is considerate, so he notices the girl who always sits in the corner by herself.
My guy has a romantic side that will bring him to my doorstep armed with a handful of flowers that he picked on his way over. He is intelligent enough to know what a preposition is, and he is gracious enough to explain its meaning to someone who doesn’t. He has a solid group of male friends, and more of them than female friends.
(Now let me insert my own little criteria) My dream guy knows how to solve a Mathematical equation with ease, because I know I can’t. :P He knows how to play a musical instrument, preferably the drums. *smiles* And he bites his lips when it comes to the peak of the song he’s playing. *giggles* HAHAHA. (No, the biting of the lips isn’t really necessary, but I find it cute… HAHAHA again). So there, thank you for indulging me.
My ideal guy cherishes my purity and values me enough to wait for it. He is discerning, he is respected by his peers, and he remembers his mom’s birthday. He is a spiritual leader, and he seeks to be a disciple of the Lord. (I just want to add this up) My guy loves the Lord more than he loves me, because I love the Lord more than I love him. And I thought that if we are both in love with the Lord, we will also stay in love with each other. *winks*
~*~*~
I hope and pray that my Prince Charming is out there somewhere. I don’t think he has found me yet. Despite that fact, I am enjoying my time waiting for him, because I am convinced that he is worth waiting for (even if he is just a figment of my imagination).
…Maybe, just maybe, the guy I’ve been dreaming about really does exist out there somewhere. Maybe, just maybe, he dreams about me the way I dream about him.
-Lisa Velthouse
Saving my First Kiss: Why I’m Keeping Confetti in my Closet
