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A lesson for all of us.

Goodbye, Marky Cielo

You became a familiar face to us since your Starstruck days. I always enjoy watching you on TV, especially when you dance, and it always leaves me mesmerized. We were shocked to know that you left this world too early. Until now it hasn’t sunk in our minds that we’ll never see more of your dancing prowess anymore. It deeply saddened us.

Thank you for sharing the world your talent, though it’s only for a while.

We hope you are happy wherever you are. We’re praying for you and the ones you left behind.

You’ll always be remembered, Marky. Hasta la Vista.

I’ll try again.

I love watching fireworks.

I love the wind on my face, especially if it’s the last days of the year.

I love Spider – Man and I wish I could meet Tobey Maguire someday.

I love fishballs.

I love isaw more.

I love sitting at the far end of the jeepney.

I love iced coffee.

My favorite heroes are: spider-man, superman, green lantern, the flash and batman, respectively.

I love playing arcade games.

I have a tendency to repeat myself.

I love playing arcade games.

I suck at car racing, but I still love it.

I always use spider-man-and-venom combi when I play Marvel vs. Capcom

I love cereals. Yeah, cerealicious is one of the best things to ever exist.

I am a huge choc-nut freak.

I once scored 100 points on videoke for singing Barry Manilow’s “Mandy”, and it never happened again. That proves the thing was broken that time.

I am a huge fan of Westlife, and Mark Feehily (who turned out to be gay) was my first crush.

I used to be seen as “the kid with a bright future”. Again, used to.

I entered the most prestigious University in the country without having a clue that I could.

I took up a degree program without even knowing what it is. Now, I love it.

I am a leftie.

I love reality shows and comic books.

I won’t go by a meal without dropping food bits on the floor.

I love Happy Tree Friends. Talk about cute violence.

I love going to toy stores even without having to purchase anything.

I private read even if it’s prohibited.

I love David Archuleta.

I hate elevators.

Have I said I love David Archuleta?

I want to join fear factor so that I will know what I am really afraid of.

I talk a lot. I blog a lot. I write a lot.

I have four basic things which I should have everywhere I go: a clean handkerchief, my wallet, my phone and my iPod. Lose one of these and I’m doomed.

Today, I want to be an advertiser. Tomorrow, I’ll have another dream job.

I'll try my best to be interesting for you.

I love watching fireworks.

I love the wind on my face, especially if it’s the last days of the year.

I love Spider – Man and I wish I could meet Tobey Maguire someday.

I… I know I won’t be interesting for you ever, so I’ll stop this foolishness.

For Superman*

We became friends because of the most awkward ways. If I can remember right, we’ve been introduced to each other for four times before you remember who I am. But I have always known you… you are the guy who swept me off my feet on my first day in high school.

I don’t even really know what to call you: if you’re my best friend or a mere acquaintance; if you are my closest guy friend or just a person to whom I decided to confide myself in. we are so close to each other that you know my dreams, and I know yours. But you’re so far that the longest conversation I had with you in person lasted for just a minute.

It was just recently that we sent messages to each other again, after a long, long hiatus brought about by your being a student nurse and my academic stuff. It’s all so different now, the way we view things and our topics for conversation. I have sensed that you and I have grown and changed a lot, and the things we used to talk about are not exactly the topics we want to be brought up now.

I tried to search my mind for something we used to talk about… I found the words you used to say to make me feel alright. Though I lost both phones wherein I used to save your messages, I can still remember the most special ones, almost word-by-word. I remember you used to worry because I always stay up late and you fear that I may become anemic, so you told me to go to sleep. You inspired me, and I was part of you as well. You make me sad, and you know how to make up on it. You were the person to believe in me, even when I myself do not. You are one of the best things to happen in my life. I loved you very much, and I think I still do. But things aren’t the same.

I miss the old you like heck. I wanted to talk with you again like we are just trying to know each other. I wanted to hear again from you those words you said to me, that I am important and you wish you could make me feel it. I just want us to be back to the way we used to. I want to go back to those times that I feel you really want to know me as much as I want to know you. I want to talk to you all day on the phone, talking about things which are not important at all but I treasure very much. I miss the days when we talk about our interests, dreams, favorite movies, songs and everything about superman. I miss the days when we used to be closer than we are today... those days when I think I am the only one you want to know more about.

Those days are gone. Whether it’s because you know me better now and the stage of knowing each other is over or simply because you don’t care about me anymore, I don’t really know. But one thing’s for sure – I miss the person who seemed to care about me and make me happy like no one else could. I miss you who shares with me his innermost thoughts and feelings, because nothing of those were left. I miss you, and I just don’t understand why things go this way.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone…

That song used to be your song for me… I wonder if you’ve forgotten it already. But I did not, and I’ll always be here. Always.

Just got to let it all out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (INSERT EXPLETIVES HERE) @!*^#@*!$#@!

Still it's not enough. I want to tear you into pieces so I would not continue to fall for you like this.

THIS IS SO FREAKIN' WRONG.

I hate you. But I still love you.

I just wanna go to bed, slash my wrists and cry myself to sleep while listening to an emo song. Crazy, but that’s how I feel. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

You know how much I hate to turn this blog into an emo machine.

Of Present and Past Teachers

Yesterday I was going home when I decided to stop by Mc Donald’s UN and get something to eat. I went to the restroom first to fix myself when I heard a song that I thought is a revelation… the song “Burn” by Tina Arena. Hell, maybe the song tells me to go straight home and review for my freakin’ majors (to those who don’t get this, I’m sorry). So there, I went to the LRT station after fixing myself… and yeah, I did not purchase anything.

After I boarded the train, slept in the bus and rode the karatig, I went to a shoe store to buy another pair of shoes which I could easily wear especially when I am in a hurry (I am using my hi-cut Pony shoes so… it’s kinda hard and depressing to devote 10 minutes just putting my shoes on my overwhelmingly wide feet). After I’ve bought the cute pair at a surprisingly low price (I just hope the pair would last long), I decided to board the last ride so I could get home. Then, going to the terminal, I saw my grade five adviser, who is one of my favorite elementary teachers (there are two, the other one is her sister, who was my second grade adviser). I almost hugged her because I haven’t seen her for a while and I was happy that she still remembers me. Hell, if I was her, and I face 50 (or more) students every year, and was greeted by a student from more than half a decade ago, I doubt that I’d still remember that student, especially someone who was not even her top student. But she did, and she even remembered to say hello to my brother, who was also her student. I did not even realize how amazing it would feel to see my teacher who helped me decide what I want to be, now that I am almost reaching that dream (I just hope I’ll graduate). But still, I just have to thank her. Have she not included me into the list of participants in that press conference, I would have been just another student who still does not know what she wants.

…but right now, I still have to think about these professors in my major subjects if I really want to reach that dream, especially the one who wants us to burn. Geez, I really hope I could internal-combust in his class so he would not have to do the favor and burn me, alive.

Light On!

i think this video is great. my favorite part is watching them ride the bike in the end. *aww* David Cook and the director, Wayne Isham did an excellent job in making this video. i love it, and i'm sure many other fans do, too. :)

panext :D

Today I turn 18. Of legal age, no more DSWD, I’ll be going straight to prison if ever I kill someone (this would not happen though, ‘coz I am a veeery good person). Oh well, on the brighter side, I do not have to sign waivers and get parental consents anymore because I am of legal age. I can donate blood and do whatever I want without having to ask permission, haha. The past year had been a blast, and I think my 17th year was one of the craziest ever. Looking back, for the past year I…

Got my first Uno
Made friends with professors
Lost faith and had God bring it back again
Bonded with block mates and classmates
Bonded a lot with my beybehs (mi pelu, aira and yayie)
Spent summer at the University
Made new friends
Have been a student of the best professors
Have been a student of not-so-good professors
Have been a student of the most panext professors! LOL
Got together with high school friends
Had crazy classmates (PE! Blue team FTW!)
Am still falling in love
Have been part of a thousand camwhoring sessions
Had a typhoon named after me (I wished it was not)
Am starting to spend time in the library (whoa, this is weird)
Got DJ, my iPod
Ate a lot, drank a lot of water, coffee and Gatorade propel, and dreamt a lot. And I mean a LOT.
Met Tado, ‘Ma man!
Have been a member of Organizations
Lost some friends but gained more
Am starting to enjoy my UP life more and more
Taught kids at Sunday school
Waited. And still waiting for the best things to come.

Now while all other girls who turn my age celebrate their birthdays in a night flowing with food and drinks, I would be celebrating mine in our humble abode with my family (which is not even complete), my cousins and aunts and uncles and the closest of my high school friends. This would be my 18th birthday and the 7th with my mom overseas. Dang, I miss her so much. I can’t even remember how it feels to celebrate a birthday with her. Last night she called, and I could hear in her voice how much she wanted to be here. I really wish she’s here too. Oh well, I can’t do anything about it.

(…and then I’ll start thanking everyone) I want to thank God for giving me another year. Not all people my age are given a chance to live this far. And I want to thank Him for still giving me a chance to live though I always make mistakes. I also want to thank Nanay, Kuya, Tatay, and Lola A for giving me a reason to live and for always being patient, more on the times when I am not. To my lovely cousins, I wanna watch movies with you again. And thank you for just being my built-in girlfriends. To my ‘celo people, I miss you! Sana sa susunod na magkasama tayo isasali nyo ako sa usapan nyo ha? Nag-aaral din kasi ako. Nakakaramdam din ako ng pressure. Ang pinagkaiba lang natin, unibersidad. And to my UPM buddies, a big hug! Thank you for making me enjoy college. :) I love you guys!

To those who remembered, and to those who almost remembered (Superman… you’re the one I am referring to) thank you very much! You don’t know how much you made me happy. To those who came, Annalyn, Arvin, Kaye and Tacio, I love you guys. :) And to those who gave to me whatever gift they can give, to my best friend Maricar, Tita Bhe (I love the shirt!), Tita Mayet (I always smell good after celebrating my birthday! *wink*), Kuya (I would not have anything to blow if not for you. I love you), Tito Jhel (for the beautiful diary), To my cousins Sarah and Leah (You know what I eat during idle times that’s why I love you),Joshua (for the chocolates), Camille (for the Fudgee bar smothered with chocolate cream), Micah (for the Potchi gummy candies, which is the gift that moved me the most)… and to my mom who gave me the best gift earlier this year, an iPod nano. Thank you very much and you know I’ll still love you all even without your gifts. *wink*. PS! To Professor Mary Dorothy Jose who gave me another beautiful gift (without her knowing it), a grade of 1.00 in my History 4 class last semester, thank you very much, Ma’am! Mataas pa rin ang binigay nyo sa'kin kahit na sabaw ang mga reaction paper ko. :) And, a big thank you to those who joined me in celebrating my 18th birthday! I love you.

Click here for my birthday photos. :)

So there, I won’t make this post any longer (because it is long). Again, thank you very much to all who took part in celebrating my birthday. ‘Til here, Take care. :)

How I wish too, Mom. How I really wish.

Yesterday, a package for me arrived. Wrapped in an express delivery envelope, on it was written my name as the recipient and my mom’s as the sender. I knew it. I have received lots of things like this in this time of the year

.

I opened it. It contains a birthday card and one of the most beautiful things on earth; it was a gold plated pen with my name embedded on it. Whoa. She knew that I won’t use it, so she included two regular gel-ink pens for me to use. My mom always knew how to make me happy.

I then opened the birthday card. I was psyched out when I heard it singing, although my mom always sends me birthday cards like these… I have received singing birthday cards, birthday cards with lights on it, e-cards, interactive cards, cards with butterflies… almost every kind. I read the notes she wrote on the card’s inside and it says:

My dearest Bunso,

Happy 18^th birthday

I wish you all the best in life according to God’s promises!

Lots of hugs and kisses,

Nanay

PS: I wish I could be there!

Birthday cards like these never really make me cry… but this time it did. It’s because of that last part, the last sentence that says she wishes she could be here. I knew that, and I really wish she is here, too. Hell, the last time I celebrated with her was my 11^th, and that was seven years ago. I realized I grew up and changed a lot without her witnessing it. I am now of legal age but the last time she celebrated with me was when I was in fifth grade. I long for those days when I don’t receive birthday cards from another country… because the one who sends it is right beside me.

This could be just another birthday celebration. I’ll be 18 in less than a week. You might say that I am just being sentimental, but think: some girls celebrate their 18^th birthday with their whole family, extended and immediate in a night flowing with food and drinks. Me, I’ll be celebrating it in a simple way with my family which is not even complete. Not that I want anything extravagant, no, all I want for my birthday is my mom. But I guess that will never be granted… not now, at least.

The Last Escapade

Yesterday, me and my favorite cousins agreed to go to the movies and watch High School Musical 3: Senior Year. We went to the nearest cinema, Walter Mart in Plaridel, to watch it. After miles and miles of travel, we arrived… only to find out that HSM 3 isn’t showing yet on their cinemas… and it’s not even their next attraction. (insert expletives here #@*!) Walter Mart. They display a life size poster of Troy and Gabriella and it’s not even in their next attraction list? Hell.

That gave us no choice. We had to leave Walter Mart after five minutes of entering it because they only show the best movies like Matakot ka sa Kulam and we had to go to SM Marilao which is quite far so we can see a not-so-worthy-to-be-shown-in-a-nearby-cinema-movie like High School Musical 3 (end sarcasm). So there, we had to go to Pulilan first so we can board a jeepney to Marilao because it was the given instruction by that stupid Manong. The jeepney we boarded passed by Walter Mart too, so we just wasted our jeepney fare by going to Pulilan. By this time my cousins and I are trying to enjoy our little misadventure. There’s more to come.

We were dead tired when we got to SM Marilao. We had agreed to go to SM Valenzuela in case SM Marilao still doesn’t have that movie that earned much of an expectation after all we’ve been through just to watch it. But hell yeah, HSM 3 is right there. We bought tickets and food then entered the cinema. The movie was all right, I had no regrets whatsoever of having traveled far just to watch it. Lo and Behold, we watched it twice so that we get the most out of what we paid for. Haha. It’s fun watching a movie together with my cousins… actually, it’s the first movie we watched together, and the first time we go to the mall without any elders. And hell, the last movie I watched with them in the theatre is Spider-Man 2, which was ages ago.

We went outside and it was raining hard. We rode a jeepney to Malolos and talked about everything we can so we didn’t notice we’re at the city capitol already.

The movie is good, but what made me enjoy this day is because I spent it with Racquel and Leah, my favorite cousins. If only Sarah was there, she is another favorite cousin, then we would have been happier. This is probably our last gig that I am 17 (But who knows?). And maybe I could watch Twilight with them, SM Marilao displays a life size poster of Bella and Edward. Like this:

Oh yeah, that's not Bella there... She's Racquel, my cousin and best chum. She loves Edward and wants to replace Bella in his heart, even only in this photo. :)

me loves spidey

It was (not so) recently that Patty gave me another Spider-Man thingy.

What she gave was a blue tin lunchbox, with my favorite web-slinging hero printed on both sides. I was so happy because I have another one to add to my (not so growing) collection of Spider-Man stuff.

I started to be a fan of Spider-Man when I was in second year high school (it hasn’t been that long). My family, immediate and extended, went to see Spider-Man 2 in theatres. It was the first movie I saw on the big screen (hey, don’t blame me if there are no cinemas here) and I was so amazed. We then went to KFC and got Spider – Man tumblers. It was so cool.

From then on I became a fan of Spider – Man, getting and buying and begging for merchandise whenever I get the chance. I am not the comic-odyssey-action-figure-and-spider-man-comic-books type of person though, because I never had the money to support that vice. What I only have are original CDs of Spider-Man movies, action figures, stickers, pop watches, pencils, ID lace, that bucket from KFC, game boy advance game cartridge, and drawings I’ve made out of sheer love for my Spidey. My devotion to my dear Spider-Man also manifest through my Multiply layout and my mobile phone theme.

People find it kinda weird, you see. Girls like me would prefer powerpuff girls and hello kitty rather than a spider hero to idolize. At first I thought I have loved Spider-Man because I associated him with my mother, because every time my mother comes home from London, we always watch Spider-Man movies. But I came to love Spider-Man more than just because of that association; I have realized that Spider-Man is the hero that I wanted to be like. Not because I want a string of web coming out of my pulse and use it to dangle around the city (although I could always use that), but because of his morals. He is the hero that always remembers his Uncle Ben’s words: With great power comes great responsibility. He always thinks of others before himself, and though he doesn’t always win, he never gives up. He also has the coolest superhero costume in the planet.

What I love most about Spider-Man is his wits. He talks his way through fights to insult and distract his opponents but does his best on it as well. Seriously, whoever exchanges witty remarks like, “oh geez, a walking suitcase!” and “Look, slimy, we’ve got enough reptiles in the government. Why don’t you run for office like the rest of us?” to his opponents? (He said that before his battle with lizard in the Spider - Man 2 game in GBA) He knows his limitations, he is aware that the power he’s bestowed upon is a gift and a curse at the same time, and he knows that once he put on his amazing red-and-blue suit, he’s not Peter Parker anymore.

Spider-Man has taught me a lot: to stick to my decisions like the way he sticks to walls, to use my head the way he uses his spider instincts, and to fight for what I believe is right just the way he always does. And while I cannot use a secret identity to hide myself and be the world’s savior, I can always be my proud self and help others in my own ways.

Yes, I know that Spider-Man is fictional and he can never be real (hey, who knows?). But for me, Spider-Man is a character I’ll always believe in, because in him I also find myself, and the hero I wanted to be.

nostalgic.

and I miss Westlife this much. aaargh.

I've got everything but you

this is your fault

Just gotta have a break from making two major papers.

Anyway, yesterday I heard the weirdest thing: you have a girlfriend.

I don’t know whether I will laugh or cry; I’ll laugh, because I know knew you are capable of loving a girl aside from those of your family, I’ll cry, because that girl is not me. It’s also weird that I find it odd to hear your name and the word ‘girlfriend’ in the same sentence. I thought liking you was quite safe: you don’t seem to be much of a guy who’d want to impress a girl (yet you swept me off my feet) and think of a girl rather than his studies. I thought liking you was safe because you seem to be the one who’d believe in destiny (pardon me if this sentence hurt you). Your innocent face tells me that maybe, just maybe, what I’ve been told was wrong.

And then I was also told that you became her boyfriend because she freakin’ likes you. Hell, if that would be the basis of being your girlfriend then I have been your girl since our first semester in college, back to those days when you look thrice as innocent and angelic as you are today. I have liked you since the day I saw you, and you are the first guy I saw in UP. Now you know.

Dang, life can be so effin’ unfair, isn’t it?

Yes. Life is so dang unfair. But who am I to hope that you’d be mine? You don’t even know who I am. I don’t really know you either; I just came to know you through your posts on your sites. Hell, I don’t even know why I like you this much. It’s as if you have cast a spell upon me. I HATE YOU FOR BEING YOU. The wonderful you. Have you been another person, I would not be this in love.

You have been linked with quite a number of personas recently. All those times I’ve been patiently waiting on the sides, hoping for my turn to come.

And now, for the nth time… I lost you again.

…or maybe not. Because you’ve never been mine in the first place.

yan. para sa'yo.

Alam mo na kaya na gusto kita? Tingin ko, oo.

Malamang matagal na.

And it’s freakin’ driving me wild.

Aaaargh.

Lahat ng ginagawa ko bumabalik sa’kin.

Praning na ako.

Mas praning pa sa'yo.

:|

hay.

seppuku na 'to.

gusto mo sabay tayo? :D