Trust. Take risks.
Last Thursday, we were talking on Organizational Communication 101 about it. I remembered when my 4th year English teacher told us not to take the UPCAT if we are not sure we would pass, or if we are not doing well on our academics. It would just be a waste of your money for the testing fee, she said. I was one of those she was referring to, of course. Some of my classmates actually listened; they did not even bother to submit application forms. But I just can't let go of my UP dream. I took a shot at it, even though I wasn't sure of myself. I took the chance, hoped for the best, and never ceased believing. Now, here I am, studying in the best university no one ever thought I'd have the chance to enter.
That's it. Learn how to trust and take risks. Ironically though, that's the thing I am having a hard time to do right now. It's just that when I trust myself, I always turn out to be disappointed in the end. I am sick and tired of taking risks and losing everything in the end. I can still remember those times when I was still overflowing with confidence. I'd always take risks and do things I thought I could do, and betray everyone who had put their trust in me, including myself. I never learn from those failures. I always take risks and betray everyone.
And now I've had enough. I'm tired of failing. I've had a ton of flunked departmental exams, messed up class recitations and reports and nonsensical reaction papers. I've always trusted myself that I can do it, but I just know I can't. This pretend-I-trust-myself-and-take-risks thing is not working for me. It just makes me betray everyone around me, makes me betray myself.
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