Greetings from AMS' intranet

I-screenshot na natin, baka di na maulit. LOL.

Thank you, Lord! This is all for Your glory.

Hello, God

I know You still remember the time that I posted this.

I know You hear my prayers every night that you keep him safe and provide him everything he needs. I know You know he is always--still--of my concern though I try to keep it to myself. I know You know that I am afraid that he would he make me feel that overwhelming indifference he had in my dream last night, if ever we see each other again.

I know You know how much I love him then--even before I wrote that blog post--and until now. You don't forget. You have granted all my prayers at the start of the year: even the ones that are nearly impossible--and more. You let me graduate, You made this year a life-changer for Dad, and You gave me undeserved grace at a company I never would have imagined I would work for.

But I know that even with all those, You can give me something more: My number one creative miracle. You still has his name written on the palm of Your hand as the creative miracle I held on to at the start of the year.

Lord, You know the fear that occupy the previously hollow space in my heart. You know that the thought of letting all of this go terrifies me. You know that I am afraid to let this all go to waste and I am afraid of the possibility that one day I will find out that everything I have done never really worked. I am afraid that the letters I wrote--all 200 and still counting of them--will never be read of their intended recipient. I am afraid that the love story I have always prayed for will just end with a blur.

Father, I know that you didn't put this desire in my heart for nothing. I know that You are the one that led me to where I am now--and God, I pray that in the future I can say that You are the one that led us to each other.

Lord, please let me sleep with a peaceful heart tonight. And please grant me the assurance that everything will be alright in the end.

I Received a Note from my Boss's Boss and This is What it Says

Cannot afford to lose the trust of my boss's boss just like that. So I sent a sorry note.

She replied:

Hi KC--hope all is well. Thank you for your note. I know how very diligent you are and the pride you take in your work. It must have just been an off day!! (we all have one of those occasionally :) )


Stay well!

Life's still good after all.

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Story of my life.

RB's response on my Previous Post

Ganyan naman daw talaga pag nareregular. Parang initiation rites ba.

Yes, I'm Hardcore Like That

Normally, a contractual employee's job would be terminated on the day stated on the papers s/he signed. In my case, it would be on the sixth month. I started on the 21st of June, and my contract was supposed to end on the 21st of this month. But today, the 14th of December, the universe conspired and I broke the rule--I signed a new contract that makes me a permanent employee.

Yes, I'm hardcore like that because my God is awesome like that.

I didn't undergo the typical probationary period that temp-to-perm employees would normally undergo, in the case of my other officemates, an additional 3 months. And I signed my regularization contract even BEFORE MY FREAKIN' REVALIDA.

When my revalida is supposed to be the measurement of what I have done for the company and what I could still offer (still have to do it fo'sho though).

Today I also got my health card, which means I now have the liberty to get sick. Been holding that back for too long now. Kidding.

Yay?

 

 

Why, this is too much awesome in a day that the universe should have a counter-attack. On the day that I signed my regularization papers, I got a sh/tload of escalations. Which made me think that they are thinking that the regularization isn't worth it after all.

My boss says that sh/t happens, and this is one of those sh/t days. But this is just too much. I can't use my global employee of the quarter reputation for this--that reputation in fact makes it harder. That award, and all of the expectations that come along with it made this job harder. This day, my 99% accuracy is now a little less than 99%.

And damn, my real life in this job is only getting started.

This could have been one of those good days but it wasn't. Funny how such failures can ruin a supposedly great day. Or even a week, maybe.

At least the countdown for the 12 days of Christmas is already on it's way.

Patty: "HBD"--Channel ba yun sa TV? Haha. Para iilang letters lang ang "happy birthday" paiikliin pa.
Migs: Happy birthday ba ibig sabihin nun? akala ko "Hi Baby Doll" man!

HAHAHA Migs! Made my night! :))

OK. Enough. Must do my presentation for my upcoming revalida. Revalida! Onwards to regularization! OOOOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Dito na lang ako sisigaw.

HANGGWAPOMOSYEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!

Background song: Shot through the heart, and you're to blame... ♫ habang nagcocollapse ako sa kilig.

Partida mo na wala ka pang ginagawa nyan, nagpost ka lang ng bagong photo nagkaganito nako. Hayop ka talaga. Nakakainis na.

End of story.

This is a Lengthy Post that Took so Much of Me to Write

December 10 of last year broke my hard badly that until now, I can't talk about it without getting all choked up.

But since I'm writing about this, I'll try my best not to cry. You won't know if I do anyway. I already wrote about this last night, but I want to put it up here on my blog so that I'll have something to look back in the future. Maybe then, I can laugh about this. Or just to even be indifferent as you are today.

Dear (your name here),

I can still remember this day last year as if it was only yesterday. December 10, 2010, the day my heart was shattered.

Everything is still clear to me. I can still tell of that story part by part, I can still remember every bit of that conversation that forever changed the course of everything between us.

I can still remember that I only intend to initiate a friendly conversation, to catch up on what has been happening to you. I asked you something--a question related to the world we once shared--because that's the only common ground we have that I can still try to explore.

You made a joke--at least that's what I think--and right then I knew that you enjoy talking to me. You just don't know how much I enjoy talking to you too. Then I asked you how things are going on in your life.

That's when you asked that question.

At first I was shocked, elated maybe, that you finally opened up a possibility of talking about something like that. Then you told me who the lucky girl is...

And it wasn't me.

I wanted to leave that conversation right then and there, but I did not. I was too shocked to even hit the exit button of that chatbox. That moment, I was too numb of any emotion. I knew that I have to cry but I cannot.

I knew that it's all over but my heart would like to believe that they're just getting started.

Sh/t, sobrang sakit ng conversation na yun, na pag naaalala ko di ko mapigilang umiyak ulit. Even after a year.

I knew that entertaining your questions would just hurt me more. I knew that being your love doctor would just kill me slowly from all the pain that you will give every time you would tell me how things are going on with her.

But I also knew that it's the only way I can get close to you. Even if it means listening to you as you talk about her.

I remember that I asked you: "Pero gusto mo talaga sya?" to which you answered: "Oo. Hindi ako makatulog kakaisip sa kanya."

And you don't even have an idea na hindi rin ako makatulog kakaisip sayo at sa paggawa ng mga sulat na hindi mo pa rin nababasa hanggang ngayon.

Until this day I still regret having said "If you think she's worth the risk, go." Until now I still think of what could have happened had I said something else. Until now I still think of what could have been if I said I love you all along, on that fateful night.

The moment our conversation ended, I broke down. Hard. With no one to talk to. I tried convincing myself that it's over, that things would end just like that, that you and I would never happen. But I knew that this is not over and I'm willing to endure the pain until the end.

I fell asleep crying. I woke up the next day with hopes that the previous night is just a nightmare that I can simply run away from. But I opened my laptop and saw our conversation history.

Sh/t, totoo nga.

I was so depressed that I have no appetite for anything. Everything I hear makes me want to cry. I abhorred love songs. I even cried during recitation on my commstrat class. F/ck, my mind wasn't on anything I did that day.

I told my friend Aira about it. It was so bad that I cried even before pouring out the whole story that she ended up crying too. Look what you've done, you ass.

After the night of December 10, I could have just given you up. I could have just said to myself that this will never work out and I would only end up getting hurt. I could have just told myself that what I have seen in the movies aren't real, that true love f/ckin hurts.

But I'm still here. Even until now. Even after a year.

Why?

Because I know that the're something more to this. That even if it f/ckin hurts, I should not give you up. That this could still work out if only I'll be a little more patient. That true love exists and I found it in you, and this is not quite the ending of the love story I have always prayed for.

I know there's something more in you.

Please let me feel it before it's too late.

I love you,

KC

KC the Drunk(en) Master V1.0 and (probably) Never Again

December 10 would always be an unforgettable day. This year, it was the first time I got drunk.

Drunk enough to not walk straight to my condo unit.

Even too drunk to not make it to the bathroom and puke on my shoe instead. And a Mercury Drug plastic bag (the one for meds, not the sando bag) the next morning.

And way too drunk to experience the allergies I have with alcohol even until now that I write this.

And drank too much to discover an allergy for alcohol that I never would have realized I have.

That's what I get for the heartbreak I still remember from a year ago.

Oh yeah.

Thanks to my awesome friends Cole, Ron, and Ella. And to Central Taft for that hell-in-the-stomach called "Badtrip". Badtrip talaga. Traydor pa.