i love you, pare

this is a blog post i published on my friendster blog two years ago.

Have you ever experienced... falling for a friend so much that it hurts? i can still remember that day when we had our periodical exams and we went to the mall to have some fun. i can still remember my stupidity when we were walking side by side and i slipped on the floor, he was the one to quickly hold me by the hand for support and to save me from some major embarrassment. from that day on i realized i am falling for him, and this time i know he could not support me anymore. we were together as friends for a year and i know he would not believe me if i tell him how i feel. i don't plan to tell him anyway, because doing so might end our friendship. it means saying good-bye to our loud, high-pitched laughs that ruins every class in the building, our sound trip and the fun we always have when we are together. maybe it's reminding me: "hey, he's your best friend. try to fall for someone else... always remember that the hugs he gives you would always be bear hugs and not like the ones he offers to his girlfriend..." and that is the fact that hurts the most. he has a girlfriend and they don't see anything wrong with hugging and being themselves in front of me, because i am his best friend. but i know that it is wrong, because i love my best friend more than a friend could do. and then i thought i should avoid seeing my friend with his girl just so i could avoid hurting myself. they were together, when he left her for some time and he happened to pass by our classroom where i was in, alone. we did our handshake, which we've perfected by doing it everytime we meet. then he asked me: "OK ka lang? may problema ka? sino umaway sa'yo? sabihin mo sa'kin, papatayin natin isa-isa!" then we started laughing just the way we always do. but deep inside i want to say: "i'm falling for you, pare! yun ang problema!"

we saw each other recently, and i know i still like him. well... konti na lang. :(