I am Glad I Asked That Question

I am glad I asked that question.

Yesterday my church had a Love, Courtship, and Dating seminar. During the time that I was a staunch believer of love a destiny, I don't miss events like this. Yesterday, however was different. I had thoughts of not attending because 1) I'd rather sleep and then watch Pawn Stars and 2) I thought I knew everything I need to know about love. They'd just tell you the usual: don't rush into things, if your heart is broken there's someone better, yadda yadda.

I only attended because my favorite pastor is the speaker (well not really my favorite "Pastor", if you know what I mean haha). It was a fresh revelation to me, and a lot different than those LCD talks I attended before. He presented the realities of love and the responsibilities of life and presented them in a light way. There was a Q&A at the end, and it was also a good thing that I was forced (kinda) by my leader to ask a question.

"What if a Servant of God falls in love with someone who has a different faith?"

I thought I already knew the answer to this one: "don't." And then goes on to quote 2 Corinthians 6:14--"do not be yoked with unbelievers".

But he gave a fresh perspective on this: the reason why St Paul said this was because there are unbelievers even inside the ministry during that time. "Believing" is not about what you tag yourself as--it's about your relationship with God. One may say that he is a "believer" or a "Christian", but does not look and act like it.

Being born-again is not about what church you are attending, it's about accepting The Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior. That's the basic premise of being a believer. The pastor added, and I quote: "I have Catholic friends, but they are Born-Again Catholics."

What he said lifted a burden off my chest. Thank God for pastors that understand. :-)

The Good Fight

Life only revolves around three central topics: Love, Faith, and Death. The first can be shrugged off as non-existent, but it does, at the very core of each living being; keeping the second will always be a constant struggle until we are brought down to the third, which is inevitable.

I grew up in an environment of boys. I used to play more toy swords and ninjas than teddy bears and Barbie dolls. I spent the summers of my childhood selling ice pops around the village and playing video games with my all-male gang. There has even been a point in my life that I absolutely thought I was a boy too, so I pee standing up. All my childhood experiences wouldn’t have been as colourful as they have been without my brother, my cousin Dawe, and a family friend, Kuya Onel.

Kuya Onel was the oldest among us. I remember he was already in high school when I was in kindergarten, and with that my parents always trusted him to take charge of all the little ones. My mother took him in as an assistant back when they still made bags for our living and sent him to school in exchange. He wasn’t really too old, I guess he never had enough of his childhood and he still played along with us. We even have our names carved on the old wooden closet that was given away a little before we moved out of our old house. “May Marc Karen Onel. Bubble Rangers For Ever.” It was the 90’s, and while other kids the same age as kuya Onel got into glue-sniffing, we were addicted to Bazooka bubble gum. They were both sticky, all right.

We were not blood-related, mind you. But the relationship that we had stuck like those chomped-up Bazooka under our wooden sala set. When I was in grade school, kuya Onel moved out and lived with his family in the city where they simply made ends meet. We rarely got to see each other, but he and his sister ate May (who was also part of the Bubble Rangers) remained to be the closest ones to us.

It was when I was in high school that I had news of kuya Onel having been diagnosed with severe Tuberculosis, a recurring illness in their family. With the disease having already killed their grandmother and an uncle, kuya Onel was determined to fight it off. He wanted to live a normal life, and though thin and sickly as he had always been, he still managed to build a family and have a bright and bouncy son named Russell.

His lungs never got any better. Every now and then we would receive news that he was rushed to the hospital, being on 50/50 for more than once, and we provided assistance as much as we could. Some days he is better, but on others he was so weak he can’t walk. But still, he was determined to fight it all off, still giving words of advice for ate May whenever she runs to him with her problems, and keeping the faith he always had. He trusted God and if he is to go, he’s ready.

Being ready, however, does not necessarily mean he wants to. If only he could, he would stay for a little longer, watch Russell grow up and spend more time with his family. These are things that we could only wish for. These are things that we all wished to have happened, but did not. One sunny afternoon in May, Kuya Onel breathed his last, from the suffering lungs he dealt with for the longest time.

I never cried upon his death, nor am I crying now. I haven’t even got the time to visit him on his thin, frail body’s last days on the face of the earth, before it was buried deep into the ground. Though I knew that he wouldn’t last as long as we hoped he would, I still can’t concede to the fact that I will never get to reminisce with Kuya Onel again—the one who I spent happy weekends and summers with, the one I grew up with, and the one who I roamed around the village with whilst selling ice pops and buying a lot of corn cheesedogs from the change.

I remember his face as I write this, and I am glad that I cannot imagine seeing him on a sad state. I will always remember his toothy smile, and his eyes that shrink as he does so. Kuya Onel has always been happy. He stayed positive. He held on for as long as he could. He kept the faith.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day —and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

You are missed, kuya Onel, but we know that you now have the peace you deserve… in a place where there is no pain or suffering. I’ll never forget. We never will.

What is Superb: The Year that Was

I can't believe I am writing a year-ender again. Already. Last year I posted on my other blog that 2010 was the best year I had so far. And I say my wish was fulfilled and 2011 beat 2010--and it's amazing how each year keeps getting better.

But I should say that 2011 is not as kind as 2010 was--I had a good mix of ups and downs this year--and every 'down' leads to skyrocketing 'up' that I will always tell of.

I'll be spontaneous in writing this, so forgive me if they are a little too disorganized.

1. Alter Spaces, Jolly Towns: The Match Between Corporate Identity and Advergaming -- An undergraduate thesis by Karen Christine de la Cruz Moroño

Owned It!

Yeah I know, my thesis topic sucks and I am starting to regret it... but the process of writing it was so tedious and bloody, that time I never thought it does. This was the first real-life test I have gone through this year, and I'm so blessed I survived--even after doing my chapters four and five in just one freakin' night, crying in front of a receptionist to let me in on an interview, going through defense twice, not going home and staying all night in coffee/pastry shops and my good friend Angel's unit, not to mention not taking a bath on the day of my defense. Not even a change of clothes. Now you know.

But what matters is I defended it and the words came into my mouth with no effort. I am still amazed when I recollect. Luke 12:11-12 is true.

And your name is written at the end of my thesis acknowledgments. Wish granted.

2. I graduated.

BA Organizational Communication, Class of 2011 at the College of Arts and Sciences Recognition Program

University Graduation. Sa sobrang yaman namin, twice kami gumagraduate. LOL.

Kahit ang mahal ng sablay, OK lang. Kahit mahal yung damit, OK lang din. Kahit na nakasuot ako ng 5-inch heels habang nagmamartsa, ayos lang. Finally I gave something my parents can be proud of. Graduate na ang bunso nila sa UP. Even when they don't say it, I know they are proud. Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan. :)

And no, I don't intend to go abroad.

3. First time to go to the UP Fair.

Right after submitting a 28-page thesis proposal. Boo yah!

4. Spontaneous gala with best friend Maricar, Arvin, Ruth, Lal, Jhe and Chariot (Lal's Mitsubishi Space Wagon).

Dirty resteros = ♥

Making puslit in UST, Proofreading their thesis, Binondo food tripping, Bebe-you're-a-firework watching. These people were a breather during the thesis-writing stage of my life. I miss them a lot, actually. :)

5.  First time to write a song. And winning an award.

'Coz it's here that I found love...

6. Graduated the JIL G12 Encounter God Retreat and now attending the School of Leaders.

I don't have a photo of what we did so lemme just show you how happy my buddy Ruth and I were during the retreat.

7. Became a life group leader.

I may be acting on impulse at times and have fallen short of His glory, but still gave me this opportunity to disciple the youth. I am blessed. All glory to God.

8. MAROOOOOOOOOOOOON 5! *Le Gasp!!!!*

Iniyakan ko rin yung mga security sa SMX kasi ayaw nila ako papasukin dahil may dala akong SLR. And they said: "Bakit ka umiiyak?" to which I answered: "E nagsstart na kaya yung concert, demet!!!!"

So they let me in. Dun pa ko sa Gold tickets section dumaan, saw Adam Levine in flesh, and Chris Tiu afterwards. Life is good. And my tears are so powerful.

9. WESTLIFE. AFTER. TEN. FANGIRL. YEARS.

Read the blog post for the account. :)

10. The long and tiring road to getting a job.

Two months of clashing uncertainties and fresh grad idealism. No photo of bumhood because I was too busy sleeping.

11. Got a blood donor's card.

Yizzz, on my fourth blood donation!

12. Got a job at Alexander Mann Solutions, Global leaders of recruitment process (and I thought I'd avoid HR as much as I can because it isn't really my forte).

My AMS batchmates. Sadly, three of them aren't with the company anymore. Two out of those three are my team mates, BTW.

Let me tell how I landed this recruitment coordinator job. I originally applied for a copywriter role and reached until the final interview with a British dude but I lack one thing--experience. And then they saw my CV and found out that I was from recruitment during my internship and thought I'd be fit for the job.

Turned out, I was. Will tell more of that later.

13. Getting a job (your first job) can also mean ranting and finding out about yourself.

The past six months were the most challenging. I lost all three of my original team mates (resigned/fired) and I was the only one left standing. Good thing is, I now have new team mates that are twice the fun and energy!

When I say 'twice the energy', I mean it. Look at Abby taking a photo of us while I am sleeping.

That's Kane beside me. Dave is from another team (a good friend as well!)

14. Corporate Sleepover part 2--the real thing.

Worked for 18 freakin' hours (maybe more! I lost count) to take cover of three time zones. Slept in the office. Logged in on a Monday and went home on a Wednesday. Oh the things I never thought I could do.

(photo to follow).

15. Earning new friends.

With Kane, Christian, Ron, Dave, and Ella (my personal bully).

AMS Christmas party with basically the same people (minus Christian and Ron, plus Cole).

Photoboothing at the Christmas Party. With Rowel on the middle photo on the right.

16. Finally letting go of ones that are not actually the 'best'. Maybe not even a friend at all.

I tried hard for this, I held on and tried to reach out but she kept on bringing up the past and fishing for information on my future (that, to some extend, was sabotaged by her too). I just can't bear with it anymore so I had to let her go.

Sometimes, certain things happen for you to see who really are your friends. It's a good thing that 'that thing' for us came early on.

PS. Maricar is still my best friend. :)

17. Had the best birthday so far!

"HAAAAAAPPY BIRTHDAY KCEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

'Twas the first time I was surprised at exactly 12MN, my first time with a job, and my first time at the new home. Spontaneous friends are spontaneous, so we had a drinking session at our place in Bulakan.

18. New Batcave

My family finally officially transferred to our new home in Bulakan, Bulacan. And just this month, I also moved out of my previous dormitory in Taft Avenue and am now staying in West of Ayala Condominium in Gil Puyat Avenue, Makati. My office friends tease me a lot about moving in to a royal-sounding and royal-looking condo... but whatever. I'm glad I found somewhere to live in that is only a walking distance to work. :)

19. I lost Zildjianne Pearl. :( But got a Galaxy Ace as a replacement!

I'll be buying a rebound iPod soon enough. But it can never replace you. I miss you, Zildj. :(

but got this as a replacement (temporarily). I love you Mom!

  

20. One of my proudest achievements of the year (aside from graduating): Alexander Mann Solutions' Global Contributor of the Quarter for Global Client Service Centres

Who would have thought that the 6-month contract I signed would end up like this? And who would have thought that a fresh graduate with a lack of professional experience will end up as one of the top performers--globally--in a recognized industy leader? God is simply good.

PS. I am now a regular employee and my contract served as my probationary period (which, one of my friends say bihira daw mangyari). I didn't even pass through the supposedly required revalida. All glory to the most high God!

***There isn't space anymore in the top 20 for you, and I know you don't need to--because you are not just a memory of 2011.

 You will be with me until next year. I still love you next year. And the next. And always know, that what I have made known to you still hold true until today. You are a wonderful person, and I believe in you. I always have.

Thank you for everything: for trusting me, for motivating me, and for making me laugh. This year has been rough and oftentimes awkward, but always know that I am always here. And I always love you, even without saying it.

I hope you will stay in my life next year--I am sure that I will be happy to say that I have known you before the world ends (if ever it is true). ♥

---
Hello God,

Thank you for a wonderful year. This year has been superb and thank you for your grace. 2011 molded me into a stronger person and let me do things I never thought I could, and they are all for Your glory. I could not thank you enough.

Please be with us and hold our hands as we walk through the next year. :)


Your daughter,
KC

A Smartphone on a Pear Tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my mother gave to me: a smartphone on a pear tree... or a package from England. It's a joint birthday and Christmas gift (and I hinted before that I need/want a new phone) so she gave me this. An awesome phone from the awesomest mom in the world.

But what made me cry is this: enclosed in the package is a card with a poem. Thought it would be best to share it for everyone to know just how appreciative my mom is though I am quite far from the best daughter. Well, maybe for her I'm the best--because I'm the only daughter she has. Haha! Anyway, here goes:

What it Means to Have a Daughter Like You
If I could gather up
all the smiles, laughs, memories
and pride that you've
brought me through the years
and give them back to you,
I would.

Maybe that way you'd understand
just what it means to have a
daughter like you
and why you're one of the
most important things
in the world to me.

No one could ever
love a daughter
and believe in her
more deeply
than I love
and believe in you.

Just want to say, I look forward to birthdays and Christmases spent with my mom. Soon.

Hello again, God. Thank You for giving me an awesome mom and for bringing me into this world and to an awesome family. They may be crazy and we may sometimes clash, but You know I love them and I don't regret bearing their name. Thank you for Christmas as well. I'll never forget that this season is all about You and Your love. I love you! ♥

Hello, God

I know You still remember the time that I posted this.

I know You hear my prayers every night that you keep him safe and provide him everything he needs. I know You know he is always--still--of my concern though I try to keep it to myself. I know You know that I am afraid that he would he make me feel that overwhelming indifference he had in my dream last night, if ever we see each other again.

I know You know how much I love him then--even before I wrote that blog post--and until now. You don't forget. You have granted all my prayers at the start of the year: even the ones that are nearly impossible--and more. You let me graduate, You made this year a life-changer for Dad, and You gave me undeserved grace at a company I never would have imagined I would work for.

But I know that even with all those, You can give me something more: My number one creative miracle. You still has his name written on the palm of Your hand as the creative miracle I held on to at the start of the year.

Lord, You know the fear that occupy the previously hollow space in my heart. You know that the thought of letting all of this go terrifies me. You know that I am afraid to let this all go to waste and I am afraid of the possibility that one day I will find out that everything I have done never really worked. I am afraid that the letters I wrote--all 200 and still counting of them--will never be read of their intended recipient. I am afraid that the love story I have always prayed for will just end with a blur.

Father, I know that you didn't put this desire in my heart for nothing. I know that You are the one that led me to where I am now--and God, I pray that in the future I can say that You are the one that led us to each other.

Lord, please let me sleep with a peaceful heart tonight. And please grant me the assurance that everything will be alright in the end.

A Lot of Ones

Last week, Banchetto Megatent released this material on the internet to celebrate 11:11 of 11.11.11, or the "ultimate wish", as some people say. Because I was smitten by the movie Tangled, I scampered for someone to go with me. Being the best (I mean best) friend that she is, Maricar agreed to go with me, along with her boyfriend Arvin, and high school friends Paul and Sarah.

"Flower gleam and glow..."

My shift ends at 9PM, so they decided to go to Banchetto at 8 and just wait for me there. We already knew that the sky lantern event is cancelled and we would just go there to get some food and catch up on things (though it's roughly a week since we were last together). We just never thought that there would be still be a lot of people at the venue.

Now I should make an important note here: My phone's battery is empty and I forgot to tell them to wait for me at the entrance.

And so I didn't know that they left Banchetto early because they were so badtrip of all the people and the smoke coming from kebab and isaw grills. Because I didn't know, I circled the venue for 5 freakin' times to say the least, hoping to come across them. I was wearing uncomfortable shoes during the whole time.

It was so hot, and the volume of people is not making my futile search any easier. After two hours, I finally gave up. I decided to get some food, which is not exactly what I wanted.

I was sitting on the sidewalk, alone. Eating the food I didn't really want.

And I didn't realize that 11:11 of 11.11.11 is already over. It was already morning.

I walked outside and searched for a place to stay until I've decided what to do. I sat on the concrete steps outside a Mini Stop.

My energy is running out. And I don't know how to go home.

This is the worst night of my life. It's even worse than the night of December 10 last year and UST's Paskuhan combined. (Edit: Nothing can ever be worse than the night of December 10).

I can't even remember a day before this that I've felt more miserable and alone.

Then I saw something on the horizon:

Because my phone is dead and I haven't got a photo...

Apparently the sky lanterns weren't hindered by the cancellation of the event. The people went some other place and lit their lanterns together.

And I cried. I still got what I originally wanted!

And after crying, I thought that this beautiful sight would be better if I get something to drink. I was welcomed with a sign on the Mini Stop door that says that all drinks are sold out but that didn't stop me. I got a vodka mudshake (I feel so badass) and continued to marvel at the sight of the lanterns floating in the sky.

God must love me so much.

I may have considered that night to be the worst night of my life, but those things happened for me to appreciate the good things even more.

In this life, I may be going through a lot of bad things that make me lose hope that there is something good in store for me. There may be false promises and broken dreams, but in the end, the sky lanterns will rise and take all the bad experiences away.

And as a Coldplay song plays in the background, these lights will guide me home...

I may not remember when this was shot, but it doesn't mean it can't tell of a good story

I can hardly remember what part of the song this was.

But I can tell you this: I spent an entire week of struggling with my inner demon before this photo was shot.

My heart just wasn't in it. I lost all love for the ministry He has given me.

I lost the choreography I have prepared as the chorus plays. I tried to recall and do things on my own. I lost hope. I wanted to quit.

Then Someone held my hand, lifted my face, and danced with me. His presence was overwhelming that tears started to fall down on my face as my heart dances with His.

I was reminded that I was never alone. He was there, from the first beat of the intro to the last part of the choreo.

My Master Choreographer. My One and Only Audience.

He dared me to move. I did. And I couldn't be happier that I have done so.

The best dance for the Most High God. Soli Deo Gloria. ♥

Take Me Back to the Days When my Dreams are Worth Chasing

I had a dream that I was on my way to board a train then someone asked me where I am going. I answered, "Back to the days when all my dreams are worth chasing."

And then I woke up, still having that line from my alter-universe self stuck in my head. After a what-the-heck moment (thinking how in the world will the LRT possibly do time travel), I wondered what it means. Was it a God-given movie tagline? A random set of words arranged by my subconscious to form a phrase? Or an implication of something I have been longing for but do not really admit?

Earlier I read a tweet from my friend Rhea saying that she needs inspiration for her to continue writing. I replied, telling her that I'll be reading until the last chapter of her ongoing novel and will be one of the firsts to get a copy once it is published. I did not say this only to make her feel good--I am serious (check out her page and see for yourself how good she is at playing with words!) She replied, and I quote:

Awww.. Now you made me cry. For real. I'll dedicate the book to you. I promise. =') If it never gets published, I'll give you an electronic copy with a letter. =') Hehe. You'll see a page that's solely for you soon. Thanks for all the encouragements. I feel so blessed with you around. =)

Those last two sentences warmed my heart. I just encouraged someone. And someone feels blessed with me around. God, thank you for using me a lot to encourage people lately. I realized it feels good to be encouraged, but even better when you're the one who pursued someone into taking one more step towards what he or she wants.

Take me back to the days when all my dreams are worth chasing...

Like Rhea, I wanted to be a writer. I just don't know how to start. It's just that things do not always go as planned, or so I think, that eventually led me into a recruitment job instead. After that dream, I contemplated: When do dreams become unworthy of chasing?

They don't. That's what I have realized today from my friend Rhea and my alter-universe self. My friend, who I encouraged, reminded me of a forgotten dream as well. We stop pursuing dreams when we lose confidence in ourselves, but they will always be worthy of the effort to get there. And if I want to be in those days when all my dreams are worth chasing, I don't have anywhere to go but right where I am right now.

The dreams I have are for me. I just stopped chasing them because I thought they are not worthy. They are.

And I am worthy of these dreams too.

What Could Have Hurt The Most

Today, D went from being "single" to being "in a relationship" on Facebook. Yes, D. D of the legendary "D Chronicles" I have crazily and devotedly written more or less two years ago (I do not keep track of the past anymore, yes), that I have grouped into a separate label for reminiscing purposes.

If this change of relationship status happened two years ago, I would have been wailing like crazy as I type this. It would have hurt so much that I'd cry until my ears burst and my eyes swell. Instead I am typing this while listening to my good vibes playlist and smiling at how they finally made it almost official.

They. D and the girl I have been blogging about before. Apparently it was true, and being the silent guy D is, most of us weren't sure of the real score. Until this.



Sorry guys, you can't get too much information from the photo. HAHAHA. But yes, his name's supposed to go there, his nakakakilig na display photo should be there, and the girl is supposed to be one of those others that liked that change of relationship status.

And I was one that liked that change of relationship status as well. Sincerely liked. I couldn't be any more happier for him than now, and I am serious.

Just let me tell you why his display photo is nakakakilig: It is a sketch of a drummer girl. D and the blessed girl to have his heart are both drummers. The girl posted on his wall saying "o ano yang PP na yan?" and he answered: "ang daming drummer sa mundo, pero isa lang ang nagpakabog". (oops, I just gave out too much information).

Now let me just smile because of some genuine kilig for the guy I liked before and the blessed girl to have his heart, even though it isn't me.

Had this happened two years ago, I would have cried buckets. Maybe too much that I couldn't go to school the next day. But it's just amazing at how God perfectly make the pieces fit, and how his fingerprints led me to where I am right now in my life's favorite aspect: love.

D never knew that I liked him. He was unaware of how many blog posts, poems, and vandalisms on library desks and armchairs were written for him. He never knew that he taught me how true love should be. He never knew that he changed me for the better and made me realize a lot of things as God prepares me for someone better. D made a greater impact in my life than he could ever imagine. He never knew anything, and I intend to let it stay that way.

But for everything, I am grateful to him at how my life was changed just because of his existence.

And I am more thankful to God for preparing me for that someone better, and for leading me to the love I have now even though things are uncertain--beautifully uncertain. Everything is just so... amazing. And I know, someday, like D, I'm going to change that relationship status as well. For good. :)

What I have learned from the 40-day iPod abstinence

There is always that one thing that you would really want that you would be ready to give up something you cannot live without. At 6, maybe you’ve traded your best Barbie doll for a Polly Pocket; at 16, it may be leaving your hometown to enter your dream university; at 20, risking anything to get that dream job. This is what I learned after I gave up my iPod for 40 days for that one thing.

You might think that this would not be much of a sacrifice for a normal person, but in that case, I am far from normal. I value music more than I value texting. I get the need to throw up every time I travel without a headset. I can’t focus on work without music. Music is my pacifier and my iPod is my security blanket. It has even come to the point that I have to balance my internship, traveling back and forth to Bulacan, and a part-time job just so I can purchase an iPod.

But then again, there is that one thing that I would be more than willing to sacrifice that iPod for.

Setting the Rules
The best sacrifices are the ones that hurt. Like what King David said in 2 Samuel 24:24, I would not offer the Lord sacrifices that cost me nothing. On June 1, 2011, after being convicted by the words said by Aaron, I set rules upon myself that at first look seemed impossible to accomplish:

(1) Do not use the music function of the iPod.
(2) Not being grounded from using the video function of the iPod does not mean you can watch music videos for a music fix. You can’t.
(3) The iPod can only be used for notes and the applications installed in it.
(4) Your headset is only good for watching movies from your laptop. No listening to music from your laptop.
(5) No YouTube as alternative for a music fix.
(6) No Radio as alternative for a music fix.

Yes, it was hard. It was even harder than when I lost my first iPod because I had the radio and my PC as substitute back then. But this time I tried to cut off all possible connections between me and music.

The First Week
Getting the first week done wasn’t as hard as it seemed for me. I was still unemployed during the first week of the 40-day iPod abstinence, so I had all the time to do other things aside from sound tripping. I finished watching How I met Your Mother Seasons 2 and 3 and watched a lot of movies instead. I wrote a lot of letters and prayed that this newly-started challenge for myself will be successful.

Mid-Challenge
I have learned that what they say is true; you would never know what you’ve got until it’s gone. I work—work!—without music to calm me down when I feel agitated. I traveled the busy streets of Metro Manila and battled waiting hours during traffic jams without music to comfort me. Add to that the jeepney driver’s radio that doesn’t really help—they were always playing jeje songs that I would never learn to love. It was the first time I got a Last Song Syndrome from a radio station jingle. It was excruciating.

I have also realized the power of music that I tend to ignore before. Sometimes music loses its effect when it comes from my iPod because I can just skip it whenever I want to, but not when a replica of my playlist comes from the bus driver’s boom box. The feeling of joy upon realizing that a bus driver can listen to such cool songs, and the feeling of sadness upon hearing the intro of “I Miss You” made me cry (yes, I’m on a public vehicle). It was epic.

I have also realized one more thing: maybe the reason why our ears cannot be shut is for us to appreciate things even when our eyes are closed.

Final Stretch
There are a lot of things that you can appreciate more without a headset that interferes. Like the rooster that wakes me up in the morning, a joke, or the ding-dong of the elevator that signifies that I have already arrived at my destination. I have also realized that sometimes, silence is so much better than music. Silence can trigger a lot of emotions and realizations more than a song can. Silence can even make you cry—I did, a lot of times.

But it all arrives to one big realization, and here’s mine: I did the 40-day iPod abstinence because I know God is able to do things I can’t; and this is my way of telling God that I’m willing to sacrifice for a single move of His mighty hand. I know this is not much compared to what others do, but I sure felt the pain that came along with this.

Yes, because in this life, there is always that one thing—or person that is far more important than the music I’ve always loved.

The Day I Found Love

My poetry is already rusty.

It has been a looooooong time since I did a poem with rhymes. Writing poems in Filipino seems a little too serious and matalinghaga for me, while I find it hard to do rhyming in English. With that, I’ve been stuck with free-verse poems, essays, and love letters since time immemorial.

Alright, so much for the introduction. Hehehe.

The Kristiyanong Kabataan para sa Bayan--Malolos annually holds the Festival of Talents. It is a showcase of God-given dancing, singing, and instrument-playing skills (only with varying mechanics every year). There’s also the much-awaited Mr and Ms KKB, our version of a beauty pageant, but with more modesty and less flesh.

However, this year's FOT (as we fondly call it) gave us a twist—there is also a songwriting competition. And I am telling you this: not because I call myself a writer doesn’t automatically make me a songwriter. I can’t even play the guitar or tell which key a certain song is in (like my friends do with their awesome ears!) But hey, they have faith in me so we took a shot at it.

Our entry is actually the second one I’ve written. I imagine the first one I wrote in an upbeat tune, and the imaginary music stuck in my head actually interferes with what I am writing, like I am trying to make it fit. Since God blessed me in ways other than music, I don’t have much right to actually set the music for it. Because of that, I have written another one while eating salad and some frosty at Wendy’s (yes, I am at my most productive like that).

What happens at Wendy's

The song tells of how blessed I am as a part of my KKB family for the past six years. For so long I have wanted a solid group of friends that I know wouldn’t leave me. And I found them when I committed myself into this ministry. They are the ones that would understand you, advise you, and help you no matter what. And what better way to experience God’s love than in the church, with the people He had chosen to support you?

With that, I have written this short song that started out as my gratitude poem.

Found Love

Words: Karen Christine Moroño

Music: Ana Ruth Fajardo, Erick Espiritu

Performed by Erick Espiritu

I have been searching for something

That will fill this empty heart

Some have tried, and they have failed

To share the feeling of God’s love

It was all like so

‘Til he has brought me here

‘Coz it’s here that I found love

Tender support I never thought of

Found more than just friendship

This is more than my ministry

This is home

This is family

Now I know that I am happy

‘Coz I know about his love

And that He has brought me here

For me to testify

The song is just a short one; it barely lasted for three minutes. But hey, Only You and Grow Old with You are also short songs, but they tell a lot. Hehehe. Erick performed this at the FOT, clad in Bruno Mars attire, with the smooth style of Jason Mraz, but the guitar-plucking is all Erick Espiritu. Haha! The song started as something solemn, and then he converted it into bossa. I assure you, the song is so catchy it will be stuck on your head FOR DAYS (at least that's what happened to me).

And by the grace of God, “Found Love” is the first KKB Malolos Song of the Year Awardee. To God be the Glory!

 

PS. Lesson Learned: Never underestimate your songwriting skills, especially when God is the one who asked you to do it!

This post is a breath of relief :)

The last blog post I did before this is a list of songs on my thesis playlist. And I am very happy to tell you that together with hard work, determination, and the grace of God, that playlist did its job of letting me pwn own it. As in own it REAL HARD.

After working overtime since who-knows-when, Chun-Li finally gets a rest :)

Yes, that thesis that I have ranted about for so long is already done—and on time. Those angst-ridden posts about respondents not responding and whatnot are the testaments of the long and ever-so-winding road to God’s ultimate miracle. I don’t know how things happened, or how I managed to get out of that tangle that I did myself, or whether it was really me who got me out of that chaos. One thing’s for sure: if it’s not because of an awesome God, then I don’t know who else would do it for me.

If there are things that working on this thesis taught me real hard, it’s not about those complicated theories or confusing paradigms. Nor it was actually about constructing a foolproof framework for the defense that would get away with the panelists. What I have actually learned from thesis is that good things come to those who wait, pray, and don’t give up. I have learned that if you set your priorities straight, learn to be patient, trust in the Lord, keep asking, never stop believing, and do all that you can, the stars will collide and agree with what you are working on (drama!). Show them your best game face. Make them realize you’re dead serious about this.

Another thing--a supportive adviser and loving friends will help you get through.

And finally, that baller band that I’ve been wearing for a month now finally made sense. I’m almost there. Just a few more toga fittings, sablay shopping, clearance signing, and shoe scouting, and it would be 4.15.11, the day that I graduate. This is by far the greatest achievement I ever had—typical of a mediocre 20-year old girl like me who is suffering from quarter-life crisis (we’ll talk about that on another post) to say, but yes, I have learned more about the real world in the past semester than I did in my previous years.

With Mavic and Eya, finally at the last stretch to getting an undergraduate degree.

I hope I did enough to make my parents proud—and to prove that God’s hand is always at work. Those little things that I used to call ‘dark moments’ were stepping stones to God’s miracle that I will always tell of.

There it goes--my hardbound blood, sweat, and tears, finally submitted to my adviser's desk.

And to you: I barely made it, but I did. I hope I will be someone you can be proud of someday. The determination I have learned from doing this is teaching me to not give up on you as well. Thank you for everything, even those you never thought you did.

"There is no room in love for fear; Well-formed love banishes fear."

1 John 4:18a

Faith, Hope, Love

 

FAITH: Knowing he'll get to read this in time.

HOPE: Knowing he's worth waiting for.

LOVE: Trying my best to live by the Book, no matter what.

"...and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. 

but the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:13

Happy Hearts' Day. No matter who you are, always remember that you are loved. :)

Thesis Tough Lovin'

My thesis adviser and I had a short conversation regarding my topic yesterday. I was having a little bit of difficulty with regard to phrasing my problem statement and it's almost mid-February--defense season is more or less just a month away. As I write this, I officially turned on the switch for Panic Serious Thesis Mode.

Before going any further, I would like to make my thesis topic clear; because in the next weeks it's all that I would be talking about. My undergraduate thesis is about In-Game Advertising and what makes it an optimum strategy for a company. My respondents would come from the company that ventured into IGAs instead of those who play the games (because then, it would have a mass communication perspective). Wow, explaining it in this post made itself a lot clearer to me as well. Niiiice.

You can be certain that when I talk about video games, I am doing my thesis.

My advertising professor, sir Chong Ardivilla said that I should look for a respondent company and a suitable framework first. I have decided to contact Level Up! Games but have yet to send them an e-mail because I am not sure of what to ask yet. Gosh, I should be moving fast if I hope to get a favorable response. I have found an academic journal with what I think should be a very useful framework which I will work on as of now.

Do you really want to know why I just turned on the most serious Game Face I ever had in my 16 years of studying and 20 years of existence? Because yesterday, my thesis adviser said:

"Ay oo nga pala, Advertising si Chong. You should get him as a panelist if ever na magde-defend ka next year."

If you didn't react to the last statement, I MOST CERTAINLY DID. It's supposed to be NEXT MONTH and not next year! That's how my thesis adviser encourages us--and boy, isn't he a model of some serious tough loving which is very fatherly indeed (no sarcasm intended). And to tell you the truth, his reverse psychology actually worked on me. Us, actually.

Looking back on my adviser's statement, take note of the words if ever. He used those words because the assumption is I defend next month. And it's not just going to remain as the assumption, IT WILL BE THE CONCLUSION.

So to make this very public and cause me some serious humiliation if I ever eat these words, I am posting this photo that has been sitting on my hard disk drive since November. I do not believe in any jinx or whatever anymore, I just believe in some serious motivation and the grace of God.

Moroño, Karen Christine Dela Cruz 2007-30656

BA Organizational Communication Class of 2011

University of the Philippines Manila

I will defend my thesis next month, Graduate on April 15 2011, Get my TOR and Diploma, get a job, take a shot at Law School, be the pride of my parents, and ultimately give back all the highest glory, honor, and praise to the mighty and matchless name of my Lord Jesus Christ. Soli Deo Gloria!

I can make it through anything in The One who makes me who I am.

--Philippians 4:13 (MSG)

"Sarap Mabuhaaaaaay!"

Oo, dapat may conviction.

Para sa'yo, bakit masarap mabuhay? :)

Project ng ilan sa mga batchmates ko ang Sarap Mabuhay. Habang sinusulat ko to, binabaha ang Facebook news feed ko ng status messages na nagsasabi ng kanya-kanyang dahilan. May ibang pa-deep, inlab (Sarap mabuhay pag kasama si Nad --Lara), nakakakilig (Sarap mabuhay pag ika’y minamahal ng tunay! ♥ --Eya), at simple lang (Masarap mabuhay pag may broadband connection ka sa bahay. Hahahaha –Diane F).

Napaisip ako. Nasabi ko na ba kahit minsan kung bakit “Masarap Mabuhay?” Kasi nung nakita ko yung mga sagot nila, wala akong maisip na dahilan on the spot.

Sarap Mabuhay, magmahal, at magsaya. Kailangan pa ba ng dahilan kung ang buhay mo'y parang sa bida ng isang napakagandang pelikula? :) --KC

Kaya pala. Yung pelikula ko, hindi pa tapos yung Direktor sa paggawa. Pero syempre nag-eenjoy naman ako kasama ang kapwa ko artista, at so far, for-the-win ang mga na-shooting nang eksena. Merong sobrang bigat na drama, suspense, action, inspirational, at situational comedy na talagang mapapa-LOL ka. Walang remake, walang cut scenes, lahat original na gawa. Samahan mo pa ng magandang soundtrack, dahil sa huli, lahat yan ay pagsasama-samahin sa isang box-office na pelikula. (Wow, rhyming lahat.)

Pero syempre, sa likod ng nagpapanggap na metaphor, meron talaga akong mga dahilang simple lang.

Sarap mabuhay...

Dahil may Yellowcab na malapit lang.
Dahil sa instant good vibes na dala ng Skittles.

Dahil may pinadala si Lord na mga kaibigan.

Dahil nakakatulog nang sandali lang, at mag-rakenrol sa natitira pang oras!

Dahil may iPod.

Dahil may video games na paglalabasan ng sama ng loob.

 Dahil may remote control.

Dahil may Parokya ni Edgar, Eraserheads, Westlife, at Chuck.

Dahil may mga pelikulang tulad ng 500 Days of Summer na wawasakin ang konsepto mo ng pag-ibig, ngunit gayunpaman, naniniwala ka pa rin.

Dahil iba’t iba tayo ng paniniwala.

Dahil may mga simpleng tanong na mapapaisip ka tulad nito, na patunay ng kalamangan mo sa ibang nilalang—ang mag-isip.

Simple lang, dahil may pag-asa para magpatuloy.

Para sa'yo, bakit masarap mabuhay?

My Thesis Sibs are Excited!

Eric, pareho tayo ng accomplishment. Just look at it this way: Si Lord ang Adviser natin. What can go wrong? :)