D, v.19

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?

My feelings are overflowing, so bad I want to scream and tell the whole world, though I know they would not care. AAARGH. And because I know I cant, I’ll just vent out all these feelings and scream… figuratively.

Whenever I see you, I don’t really freakin’ know what to do. My head spins, my vision blurs, leaving me with only you to see. Your beautiful face, your mesmerizing lips, your every move, your… yes, your everything. Everything about you is wonderful. And then because I don’t want to look at you because you overwhelm me, I would look somewhere else, somewhere within the depths of my blurred vision. I am afraid you might see this certain glow in my eyes that only you can cause. Oh yes, you can make these freakin’ eyes sparkle. It’s magic only you can do.

I am trying so hard to look at you and give you a smile, like the way we used to do before I had these feelings for you. Remember when you used to give me that “oh-nandyan-ka-pala” look, and then I’ll respond with my “nangaasar-ka-ba?” look? I want to be the old me, back in the days when I don’t really admit to myself that I like you. But, geez, I never thought it would be this hard.

I don’t want to waste the chance! I know this is the moment I have been praying for… that God give us instances where we could talk, or just have a simple “hi there”, or just smile at each other. Much as I’d hate to say it, the chances were wasted, thanks to my confidence which left me suddenly. And since when did it require A LOT of confidence just to smile at a person? The answer is: it’s when you get weak just with the thought of that person’s smile.

Okay now, first attempt. I am supposed to pass by you. I am afraid to pass in front of you directly, so I chose to take the more complicated way, going through microphone wires and all. Chance wasted.

Second attempt. I passed by you because I realized how hard it could be to pass through speaker wires. As I pass by you, I looked away, afraid to be melted by your eyes. Chance wasted.

Third attempt. I looked at you; you were too busy with the drums. Chance wasted.

Fourth attempt. I passed by you. I looked at you. I am ready to smile. For a split second, our eyes met. You looked away. :(

Fifth attempt. I am hoping to look at you and smile. You are standing with your back turned away from us. I know it takes a lot of courage to smile at you, and more to tap your shoulder and say hello. So again, chance wasted.

Sixth attempt. You were again busy with the drums. I do not want to disturb you with the thing you love the most so… I just looked at the ceiling as I walk.

Seventh (and last) attempt. I looked at you. I did not take my eyes off of you. I just waited for you to look at me. And then… you fixed your drumsticks. :(

How I wish I could look at you like before. Back to those times that I can look like a freak in front of you, and you can smile and ask me: “Bakit ka nakangiti? Oh my, just remembering those times make me smile like crazy. How I wish we could do it again. :|

We started as friends

But something happened inside me…

…You are my very first thought in the morning

And my last at nightfall

You are the love that came without warning

I need you, I want you to know…

I've made it obvious

Done everything but say it

I'm not so good with words

And since you never notice

The way that we belong

I'll say it in a love song

And sing it until the day you're holding me

I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong

I more than adore you but since you never seem to see…

…I’ll say it in this love song.

How I wish telling someone you like him is as easy as this.