I am KC's Tiny Heart

Today I am having my first sick leave ever.

I wasn't really very sick. I've been having an upset stomach and minor headache since yesterday and I am afraid to eat anything because I am too lazy/tired to barf it out afterwards. I don't know what caused this, it's been a long time since my stomach has been a hyper acidic piece of organ randomly floating in my body, but that's kind of how it feels like today.

For me this is more than just a sick leave. This is a manifestation of something more going on inside my head. Maybe the emotional turmoil is just too much to take that I am starting to become physically ill. Once again you have affected me in a way that's beyond the threshold of my tiny little soul.

Your photos are up again on Facebook. Congratulations on your face. Congratulations to your parents for having such a pretty son. Congratulations for still having the same effect that you did to me three years ago. And congratulations that another chinky-eyed girl noticed that angel face of yours.

Forgive me because I loved you even if I am not chinky-eyed. Forgive me if I want to kiss that face of yours and at the same time destroy it, Fight Club style.

I am KC's misplaced jealousy.

I actually think that your photos are meant to put me on an emotional tsunami and it actually did. I just filed a sick leave just to take care of my heart. You win. Those photos are everything that I want to forget. Your piano, a jacket (probably smells as good as it did before), and a car that looks like it was about to fly (with the help of jetpacks of course) and break into the second floor of a building for a high-end car show. Those photos are so... You.

I am KC's unwanted memories. I am KC's lack of will to forget you.

I am KC's rational self and I am telling KC to move on. There's no need to wait for an answer or any form of communication from you because it will never happen. Nothing shouts closure more than your lack of desire to communicate even though she told you she loves you twice (even thrice if you read her well enough). But KC won't listen because it's her nature to hold on to something familiar for as long as she can, and right now there is nothing more familiar to her than her thoughts of you.

I am KC's desire for a closure.
I am KC's complete sense of disappointment.

I am KC's crushed heart. I am KC's doubt in the power of love and everything she used to believe in. I am KC's mind that you have transformed from a starry-eyed hopeless romantic into a monster who shut herself down from the very ideas she used to write across her heart.

I am KC's love slowly turning into hate. I am KC's fear of love slowly turning into hate.