this is your fault

Just gotta have a break from making two major papers.

Anyway, yesterday I heard the weirdest thing: you have a girlfriend.

I don’t know whether I will laugh or cry; I’ll laugh, because I know knew you are capable of loving a girl aside from those of your family, I’ll cry, because that girl is not me. It’s also weird that I find it odd to hear your name and the word ‘girlfriend’ in the same sentence. I thought liking you was quite safe: you don’t seem to be much of a guy who’d want to impress a girl (yet you swept me off my feet) and think of a girl rather than his studies. I thought liking you was safe because you seem to be the one who’d believe in destiny (pardon me if this sentence hurt you). Your innocent face tells me that maybe, just maybe, what I’ve been told was wrong.

And then I was also told that you became her boyfriend because she freakin’ likes you. Hell, if that would be the basis of being your girlfriend then I have been your girl since our first semester in college, back to those days when you look thrice as innocent and angelic as you are today. I have liked you since the day I saw you, and you are the first guy I saw in UP. Now you know.

Dang, life can be so effin’ unfair, isn’t it?

Yes. Life is so dang unfair. But who am I to hope that you’d be mine? You don’t even know who I am. I don’t really know you either; I just came to know you through your posts on your sites. Hell, I don’t even know why I like you this much. It’s as if you have cast a spell upon me. I HATE YOU FOR BEING YOU. The wonderful you. Have you been another person, I would not be this in love.

You have been linked with quite a number of personas recently. All those times I’ve been patiently waiting on the sides, hoping for my turn to come.

And now, for the nth time… I lost you again.

…or maybe not. Because you’ve never been mine in the first place.